Joke Thread II

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Accountants​



Take One
What is the difference between an accountant and a computer?

The computer has a personality.



Take Two

What is the difference between one sperm cell and an accountant?

The sperm cell has a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.



Take Three


Husband and wife accountants having a tiff.

She moans “You don’t depreciate me any more!”



Take Four

A lawyer and an accountant were involved in a minor fender bender. Neither was hurt, but both were pretty badly shaken up. As they wait for the police to arrive the lawyer pulls out a hip flask and passes it to the accountant who takes a big gulp to "steady his nerves". The accountant hands it back to the lawyer who caps it and puts it back in his pocket.
The accountant says "Hey, aren't YOU going to have one too?"
The lawyer replies ...

"Sure, right after the cops leave."



Take Five

What's the difference between a porcupine and an accountant in a BMW?

The porcupine has the prick on the outside!



Take Six

Two Auditors were walking across Hyde Park when one said, "Where did you get such a great racing bike?"
The second Auditor replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second Auditor nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."
 
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