Joke Thread II

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What happened to @J-G and his poser about Rudolph?
Sorry Brian - I thought that had been answered - It was actually a poser about "The Night Before Christmas", the poem, which is the genesis of "Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer" - the answer is (of course) Rudolph.

The point was that so few people know that the Song is not the 'original' so a quiz question to name the reindeer in the poem often results in the incorrect inclusion of Rudolph.
 
A duck walks into a bar

The barman says "Good morning, whats your name?"
The Duck responds "Good morning, My name is Dewie"
The barman asks, "How has your day been?" As he pours the duck a drink
The duck responds "Great, ive been in and out of puddles all day, what more could a duck want?"
The barman replies "Quite right you are!"
Another duck walks into the bar and sits down, the barman asks "Good morning, whats your name and hows your day?"
The duck replies, "My names Hughie and ive been jumping into puddles all day, what more could a duck want?
As the barman pours another drink a third duck comes in,
The barman says "ah, you must be Lewie!"
The third duck, bats her eyelashes and says:
"No, Im puddles"
 

A duck walks into a bar...​

And orders a hundred bottles of scotch.

The bartender says, "That's gonna be pretty expensive. How are you gonna pay for all that liquor?"

The duck replies, "Just put it on my tab."

A nearby bar patron cheekily says, "Don't you mean 'put it on my bill'?"

The duck says to the bartender, "Okay, put it on his bill."
 
An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my garden.

I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.

He calmly came over to me, so I gave him a few pats on his head. He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

The next day he was back, greeted me in my garden, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.

This continued off and on for several weeks.

Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar.

'He lives in a home, with my non-stop chatting and nagging wife, he's trying to catch up on his sleep.

Can I also come with him tomorrow?'
 
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