Two parrots were standing on a perch. One says to the other
‘… ere, can you smell fish?’
‘… ere, can you smell fish?’
Joke Thread 4 (closed).
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Sachakins
The most wasted of days is one without woodwork
, but took me a couple of reads first.
Alex H
Established Member
bushwhaker
Established Member
You seeing an ad in...
stuart little
Established Member
I scalded my feet by standing in hot water before opening, as it said on the label!
Cozzer
Established Member
When Henry - a.k.a. Harry - got involved with American actress Migraine and presented her with a ring, it finally proved that you can be engaged and vacant at the same time....
Cozzer
Established Member
There was a whole "series" of these type of jokes at the time....another was a play on "pierce 'ere" and the famous Mum Rollette antiperspirant one, "take cap off and push up bottom...."I scalded my feet by standing in hot water before opening, as it said on the label!
Phil Pascoe
Established Member
bushwhaker
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Marriage brings music to a man's life. He learns to play second fiddle.
Robbo3
Established Member
Up
Is this the most useful, and confusing word in the English language?
This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is 'UP.' It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv],[prep], [adj], [n] or [v].
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends, brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car.
At other times, this little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is blocked UP.
We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it soaks UP the earth. When it does not rain for a while, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now . . . my time is UP!
Don't mess UP. Send this on to people you look UP in your address book . . .. or not . . . it's UP to you.
Now I'll shut UP.
Is this the most useful, and confusing word in the English language?
This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is 'UP.' It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv],[prep], [adj], [n] or [v].
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends, brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car.
At other times, this little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is blocked UP.
We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it soaks UP the earth. When it does not rain for a while, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now . . . my time is UP!
Don't mess UP. Send this on to people you look UP in your address book . . .. or not . . . it's UP to you.
Now I'll shut UP.
Doug B
Shy Tot
Sadly my childhood was before those
Phil Pascoe
Established Member
Yep. Pre cassette tapes. Slide rules, log tables ...
stuart little
Established Member
Phil Pascoe
Established Member
The Oxford English Dictionary editors recently revealed that “run” has indeed become the single word with the most potential meanings in all of English, boasting no fewer than 645 different usage cases for the verb form alone.
You had to go one too far
The_Yellow_Ardvark
Established Member
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