Dementia and me.
- Thread starter Jameshow
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Help Support UKworkshop.co.uk:
I'd imagine everyone has a relative or has had a relative going through it. My mother is in the middle of it (by that, I mean, in the timeline). when I do a google search, I get a podcast - is that what you're referring to or are there also videos (perhaps on youtube?).
I'm not that old, and neither is my mother. She's 73, and not dangerous, but conversations aren't very precise in perception of time or names of people, etc.
She's more pleasant than she was when I was younger, though. She was intense - always on, always producing something and that's ceased completely. She does chap my dad from time to time, though, as three years into this, she's finally realized that it's her, and not other people that are confusing (she has confidence that I never ever had, which has convinced her until a short time ago that it was other people and not her). At any rate, her line to my dad (who is fairly calm) when something gets lost, etc, is "my memory problems don't cause you any trouble! They're only trouble for me!".
I'm not that old, and neither is my mother. She's 73, and not dangerous, but conversations aren't very precise in perception of time or names of people, etc.
She's more pleasant than she was when I was younger, though. She was intense - always on, always producing something and that's ceased completely. She does chap my dad from time to time, though, as three years into this, she's finally realized that it's her, and not other people that are confusing (she has confidence that I never ever had, which has convinced her until a short time ago that it was other people and not her). At any rate, her line to my dad (who is fairly calm) when something gets lost, etc, is "my memory problems don't cause you any trouble! They're only trouble for me!".
Yojevol
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RobinBHM
Established Member
I watched my father in law get slowly killed by dementia.
it a horrendous disease.
basically a protein gets stuck in the brain, slowly it shuts off more and more functions until the person dies.
my father in law ended up in a care home at the beginning of the pandemic, where he was unable to be visited apart from a handful of occasions in the last year of his life.
he went through the last stages of his life without his family, without his wife. It haunts my Mother In Law every day.
Bod
Established Member
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/Very good forum, Dementia Talking Point, helped me greatly, whilst going through this with Father, and both In Laws.
Bod
Bod
My Dad died of vascular dementia at 80 after a lifetime smoking rollups. My Mum is now 91 and in the later stages of Alzheimer's and very frail but cared for at home. She's ok though just in a world of her own, mostly sleeping and still eating ok. It is a terrible disease but mostly affects those close to the sufferer who, in the later stages, remembers nothing shorty after any incident. With this family history it can be very worrying when you go upstairs and forget why you're there but then I rationalise it as it rarely happens and pass it off as just a senior moment. My GP put me on 75mg of aspirin some years ago to help ward it off.
I concur with @D_W above in that my Mum became much more placid in the early stages whereas before she developed Alzheimer's she was far more feisty. The worst for me is when she looks at me and I know she doesn't recognise me anymore.
I concur with @D_W above in that my Mum became much more placid in the early stages whereas before she developed Alzheimer's she was far more feisty. The worst for me is when she looks at me and I know she doesn't recognise me anymore.
Jameshow
Established Member
I know is a awful disease....
But seeing my dad have multiple stokes knowing everything that is happening to him know each visit to hospital might be his last ...
Or seeing a cancer sufferer slowly have the life drained out of them in front of thier kids is horrendous...
There isn't a a nice disease tbh.
The one that affects your parents is the worst...
Cheers James
But seeing my dad have multiple stokes knowing everything that is happening to him know each visit to hospital might be his last ...
Or seeing a cancer sufferer slowly have the life drained out of them in front of thier kids is horrendous...
There isn't a a nice disease tbh.
The one that affects your parents is the worst...
Cheers James
Flynnwood
Established Member
I feel for you. My wife's Uncle (in his 80's) was taken into hospital (from a care home), due to biological conditions (not Covid).
When the Hospital were happy to discharge him, the care home didn't want him back (because of Covid).
His wife had died a few years earlier and he had to sell their house to pay for his care home. No children.
He died alone, with no-one at the Cremation.
I recall a GP saying that UK Government had massively overreacted in 2020.
Flynnwood
Established Member
I went through that with my own Mother. I hope this helps.
She got trialled in a building for Mustard Gas during WW2 (as a RAF / WFA) Assistant Meteorologist. Testing a Gas Mask.
She was also tasked with predicting a weather forecast for Hiroshima/Nagasaki.
I might add more later regarding Dementia.
My mother-in-law went through it and we lost her about six years ago. It was horrible for my father-in-law but, somewhat luckily, he died suddenly long before she did. In all, she struggled through it for about ten years.
My wife and I struggle to watch programmes on TV associated with dementia. It brings back too many memories.
Now it's a struggle to keep my dad moving in the right direction - he's 90, lives 200 miles away, and is temporarily in a care home following a few health issues. His wish is to return home in a month from now and have carers coming in. Luckily, he doesn't have dementia, just a lack of confidence and iffy mobility.
I'd get my brother to help more but he has autism and we have to deal with him and that too. He lives near my dad. Last month we spent five days blitzing his tip of a house: Two large skips and four estate car loads to charity shops and that was done. Even keel again.
We've been fortunate in our own lives and it almost seems like payback time now. You have to just get on with it.
My wife and I struggle to watch programmes on TV associated with dementia. It brings back too many memories.
Now it's a struggle to keep my dad moving in the right direction - he's 90, lives 200 miles away, and is temporarily in a care home following a few health issues. His wish is to return home in a month from now and have carers coming in. Luckily, he doesn't have dementia, just a lack of confidence and iffy mobility.
I'd get my brother to help more but he has autism and we have to deal with him and that too. He lives near my dad. Last month we spent five days blitzing his tip of a house: Two large skips and four estate car loads to charity shops and that was done. Even keel again.
We've been fortunate in our own lives and it almost seems like payback time now. You have to just get on with it.
Im getting used to the double phone calls. Usual what she's done today, then followed up with a 2nd call 10 minutes later telling me much the same thing.
Comes to us all.
Well maybe not me, my doctors long held the opinion if I dont get creamed on the bike by a taxi, it will be a heart attack
Comes to us all.
Well maybe not me, my doctors long held the opinion if I dont get creamed on the bike by a taxi, it will be a heart attack
stuart little
Established Member
About 8 yrs. ago, I had new neighbours move in, they're from RSA via NL, they made friends & both told different stories. He said he was diagnosed with early dementia & given 3-5 yrs, his wife told others that he had 5-8. These people turned out to have a VERY nasty 'other side', by stirring trouble & reporting (& filming) anybody doing things they disagreed with, to the council housing assoc.. As for the dementia, he still drives, uses power tools, & climbs step ladder to 'prune' a eucalyptus tree he planted within 10' of his 'bunglehouse'. Everyone ignores them now & all wonder what happened with the 'diagnoses' & think they used it as a 'con' to get a 2-bed bungalow. I have friends & neighbours ,who have done care work, who all say they can recognise no signs of dementia apart from just being complete b----- minded 'iriots' . Using this disease as a 'con' (IF it IS a con) makes them even more deplorable morons.
Depressing thread. My wife is in the early to middle stages of Alzheimers, which we reckon also probably affected both her grandmothers. It's not an easy road. At the moment, it's mostly pretty trivial things like cooking utensils turning up in strange places, and the need to repeat things. But her sense of direction, which was never good, has now gone completely, so on a couple of occasions when she has gone for a walk on her own, we've been lucky in that neighbours who happened to be passing and rang me to check that she was OK in an unexpected place. Solo walks are out now.
Fortunately, she doesn't entirely realise the losses, and (with a doctorate and an academic career behind her) she starts from a fairly high level of function.
Haven't been able to face watching the BBC2 programme. Dealing with my blood and prostate cancers is something of a doddle by comparison.
Fortunately, she doesn't entirely realise the losses, and (with a doctorate and an academic career behind her) she starts from a fairly high level of function.
Haven't been able to face watching the BBC2 programme. Dealing with my blood and prostate cancers is something of a doddle by comparison.
You are where my father is. More than one shower, and disbelief that the towel is damp and someone else isn't at fault, medication supply for the week switching rooms or ending up in the car. Mom has one place that she still drives - to and from the gym, which is all on the same road. She's been doing the same thing for a while, but sooner or later, she'll get lost (while she often can drive to and from, finding the car in the parking lot is another thing, and it's about time she stops going - dad isn't convinced yet as it's the only way she gets out of the house, but I've suggested he take an interest in going to the gym so we don't hear about mom taking 10 minutes to find her car in the parking lot).
She was always confident and sharp tongued before this, though, so it doesn't bother her as much as it might some others. Progress to this point has taken four or five years, maybe, with very minor things at the outset (so there's probably a long way to go yet). Mother's dad died totally senile at age 79, unable to spell even basic words or grasp much that other people say - he lucked out and died of a heart attack, skipping the last few years.
The site notifies me that it's only available for locations in the UK (the video - when you click on video, a popup comes up letting you know you can't watch it). Audio is still available, though.
I'm sure a VPN service located in England would solve it pretty easily. I don't know if that's illegal, but I doubt it is here (I'm sure the BBC would say it's not allowed in country there).
They could be selling distribution rights to it here, though. That happens quite often - good programming comes from overseas and to make a little money on the tail end, it's marketed through a distributor in the US who has a limited market. That makes it have only limited sales value here and ensures it only gets to a limited audience (but it does make quick easy money on the back end).
They could be selling distribution rights to it here, though. That happens quite often - good programming comes from overseas and to make a little money on the tail end, it's marketed through a distributor in the US who has a limited market. That makes it have only limited sales value here and ensures it only gets to a limited audience (but it does make quick easy money on the back end).
5 years ago my mum was still driving and had no real symptoms until one day she and I went out for a meal and she drove, half way there she started to veer towards the middle of the road, far to often for comfort. I asked her what was wrong and she said 'I thinks I'm wearing the wrong glasses', 'are they your reading glasses' I asked in slightly harrowed tone, 'yes' she replied 'then please take them off mum' I pleaded. My family later thought this was hilarious but it turned out to be one of the first signs and 8 months later she was diagnosed with early stage Alzheimer's. In 5 years since then she's gone from driving about to a frail shadow of her former self that can't hold a conversation anymore.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Things started small for us, but became apparent when recounting things from the past had overlapping time ("when I had to work the last few years of my job and take care of my sick mother", for example, when the carer role didn't start until three years into mother's retirement).
What happens is some part predictable, and some part not, and both have equal amounts of frustration. Dad watched his parents both become shells and it didn't seem to have as much of an effect on him, but now that it's his spouse, he's not yet settled with the idea that the progression cannot be stopped.
I just hope this latest drug is the start of delaying or even stopping progression, too late for my Mum but hope for others who have yet been diagnosed.
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