Can't You Just Love Me?

[matt]

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed dept store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.

We went on to the jewellery dept where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you . . . she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier".
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile.. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either!

 

[head clansman]

hi

oops :? , matt sound more like the next six months too me , if your lucky. No hell like that of a woman scorned :twisted: :twisted: . you better get the tin hat out mate an dive for cover rapidly :lol: :lol: :lol: .hc :wink:

 

[Mike.C]

MAGIC :lol: :lol: :lol:

I think if I tried that with my mrs I would wake in the middle of the night to find that she had pulled the bed clothes back, and just as the moonlight lit up the maniacal grin on her face, I would look down to see she had my manhood in between the blades of a pair of garden shears #-o

Cheers

Mike

 

[Digit]

If your wife treats garden tools as my wife does Mike you could go back to sleep!

Roy.

 

[OldWood]

A good old chestnut that one - never seen it pesonalised like though; effect is very good. Wonder how many have been taken in !! :twisted:

Rob

 

[Mike.C]

If your wife treats garden tools as my wife does Mike you could go back to sleep!

Roy.

I don't know Roy, even thinking about a blunt pair being closed is enough to make my eyes water :lol:

Cheers

Mike

 

[barkwindjammer]

An elderly man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young blonde at his side.

He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a £5,000 ring. The old man said, "Oh no, surely that's not the best that you have?"

Hearing that, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only £40,000," he said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the old man said, "By cheque. I know you need to make sure my cheque clears so I'll write it now, and you can call the bank on Monday morning to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up on Monday afternoon," he said..

On Monday morning, the jeweller 'phoned the old man and said "Sir, there are no funds in that account."

"I know," said the old man................
8)

 

[billw]

*makes note to ensure I'm always carrying my chequebook*

 

[OldWood]

MAGIC :lol: :lol: :lol:

I think if I tried that with my mrs I would wake in the middle of the night to find that she had pulled the bed clothes back, and just as the moonlight lit up the maniacal grin on her face, I would look down to see she had my manhood in between the blades of a pair of garden shears #-o

Cheers

Mike

Do any of you remember a very early BBC dramatisation of Aldous Huxley's Ape and Essence.

A one sentence summary: sex is severely controlled in a post nuclear community (in this version round London); the hero is a 'hot' (for sex) and has to escape with his GF to Scotland "where all the Hots go "!!!! The play ended with them being pursued by the High Priest being carried on a bier and chopping the air wildly with a large pair of garden shears !!!

Rob