Should you speak the truth?

[Amateur]

Morning all

The pandemic was in full swing last year.
My mate of some 40 years tells me he's off to check his property in Spain, despite the strict rules on flying for non essential business.
He's already hired someone to keep checks on the property while he's in the UK.
Three weeks later he arrived home.
I told him that I didn't want to discuss his trip with him and to move on.
Mail kept arriving.
I'm fine, don't think I caught anything..blah, blah
Then eventually a message asking
what's up?
Tell me?
Despite trying to evade a conflict I ignored the repeated question.
In the end I relented, but I asked him if he was sure he wanted to listen to my view?
The basis of what my thoughts were are founded round his comment, "I didn't catch anything" while his inability to consider he may have become a carrier and infected dozens of people causing potential deaths was a very selfish act, after what transpired to be a three weeks holiday.
I thought that was the end of it.
We are no longer in contact, which is a shame.

Should I have kept my gob shut?

So what have you said that maybe you shouldn't have done?

 

[Lons]

Your personal choice but I'd have told him right at the start he was being an ars*h*le for exactly the reasons you state apart from the fact he was breaking the rules. If he's taken the hump when he asked for the truth then that's his problem even though it is a shame after all that time, maybe he'll see sense eventually if he's honest with himself..
I'd expect my mates to speak their minds just as I do with them.

EDIT
"So what have you said that maybe you shouldn't have done?"

"I DO"......... 49 years ago ( If my missus reads this, I'm joking, honestly!.)

 

[G S Haydon]

Talking about issues you have with the behaviours of another person is very difficult, especially to their face.

In a situation where you are friends, it would be reasonable to discuss how you feel. Ideally before he went. If he followed protocol for his trip he hasn't done anything wrong.

However, like you, I don't see the need for international travel at the moment. If you were both unable to have different views without your friendship suffering big issues it was far less robust than you imagined. Don't let this bother you, life is to short.

 

[Just4Fun]

I have been facing a similar situation. I compete in a sport and a friend I often compete with asked me to partner him in a competition later this month. That bit is OK but the competition is in Spain. I declined due to the whole COVID situation. I would like to have gone - who wouldn't be interested in a free trip to Spain to compete at their favourite sport - but I thought it was the right thing to do. My friend saw things differently and over a few weeks tried to persuade me to join him. Eventually, this week, he accepted that I wouldn't change my mind and he has found a substitute.

This has not changed our friendship. I accept that he is going despite my misgivings so I have been helping him with the paperwork and logistics for the trip - there is no need for me to create an issue out of that. He accepts that I won't go on this occasion but I am sure he will ask me to compete in future events when things have settled down a bit. As friends of nearly 30 years we have worked it out without ill-feeling.

 

[Spectric]

Should I have kept my gob shut?

You are completely in the right and he needed telling, but you should have talked him out of the trip or if all else fails report him to the relevant authority. It is people like him and their attitude that has helped fuel the pandemic because it only takes one person like him to re ignite the spread.

 

[D_W]

His choice was worse to you than the friendship was good. It only ends one way unless that flips around in your mind. You don't need to question your priorities, and he doesn't need to question his. Sometimes that's just the way things end.

 

[doctor Bob]

For my own peace of mind I try to keep your nose out of other peoples affairs.

 

[Garno]

It's a very difficult choice to have to make.
Principles V's Friendship a combination that never has winners.
Personally I believe you did the right thing and if the friendship was a strong one it will blossom once again.
We all have different ways that we would get the friendship back on track and at the end of the day one of you will HAVE to make that first move.
You have said what you think needed to be said to him and as such never need broach the subject with him again.
That's my thoughts and I hope it all turns out well for you and the friendship gets rekindled.

 

[RobinBHM]

I went to Spain for 3 weeks, had a great time and wanted to tell my mate....but he has the strop.
Oh well Im off to a big party tonight

 

[Blackswanwood]

I think you did the right thing and your friend sounds like a selfish knob.

 

[Amateur]

Oh well Im off to a big party tonight

at 55 you'll be in bed by seven O' clock like the rest of us

 

[thetyreman]

my brother refuses to have the vaccine, it's caused a major rift between us but I think he's an i-diot for not taking it, you should always speak your mind even if it means falling out, I have told him that I'm not going to be in a room with him unless he gets the vaccine and I'm not joking either, what annoys me is that some people think they're somehow immune from getting it and it's that kind of attitude that will continue to wreck the economy and destroy and erode our rights and freedoms for longer, they don't understand that THEY are the reason we're in this mess, it's not the government, it's them and their actions.

 

[Daniel2]

First it was Brexit, now it's Covid and vaccines.
How we are getting so steamed up and allowing these issues to cause such division, even
within families.
It's very sad and very worrying.

 

[thetyreman]

First it was Brexit, now it's Covid and vaccines.
How we are getting so steamed up and allowing these issues to cause such division, even
within families.
It's very sad and very worrying.

what's more worrying is how he could be a superspreader and completely ignorant to what he's doing, it could easily kill my parents, and I'd never forgive him for that.

 

[Doug71]

I am amazed at some peoples attitude towards the whole Covid thing, it was commented the other day how tidy a friends hair was looking compared to other peoples, when asked if his wife had been trimming it his reply was "No, the hairdresser we use has been popping round, she is looking after her good customers."

 

[Phill05]

There is noting wrong in standing up and telling the truth exactly it how it is, if he chose to fall out with you over what HE did he is a very shallow person maybe in the future he might realise his actions were wrong and ask you to be friends again, until that day don't worry and get on with life as it is. You never know he might be reading this post.

 

[Daniel2]

what's more worrying is how he could be a superspreader and completely ignorant to what he's doing, it could easily kill my parents, and I'd never forgive him for that.

I am only trying to suggest that we (the great unwashed), try to maintain some sense of proportion and perspective on these (reasonably important), issues.
The issues themselves are, indeed, serious, but surely not to the extent of creating division between friends and family.
MSM have turned us into a band of drama queens
Before you all jump on me, I will say that my wife is a district nurse and is very closely involved with the saga, albeit in France; not the UK.

 

[Spectric]

"No, the hairdresser we use has been popping round, she is looking after her good customers."

No one alive knows what the grim reaper looks like and what guises they may use to snare their next victim!!

 

[D_W]

what's more worrying is how he could be a superspreader and completely ignorant to what he's doing, it could easily kill my parents, and I'd never forgive him for that.

Are your parents vaccinated? If they are, this is unlikely enough that I'd never catastrophize such a scenario. There are things at our own doorsteps that are more pressing. If the parents aren't vaccinated, that would be one.

 

[Retired]

Hi,

I doubt we'll ever be clear of Covid;

Hairdresser fined £17K stopped by police as she planned to reopen again

Why didn't the police also fine the customers?

My wife and I both retired take Covid very seriously indeed; I only visit the supermarkets for necessary shopping; my wife hasn't been inside a store for a year. Shame on all who are ignoring Covid rules.

Kind regards, Colin.