Joke Thread II
- Thread starter JBaz
- Start date
Help Support UKworkshop.co.uk:
- Status
Yeah - I know. (But didn't until after I'd posted it).Doh !
The link to the original on YT works though?
Yorkieguy
Established Member
Research on bread indicates that:
1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!
6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!
6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
llangatwgnedd
Established Member
Urgent help required.
Does anyone know where I can get hold of a load of cardboard boxes on really short notice? A bloke I know has to move house today, and doesn’t have much time to prepare.
If anyone can help, could you please drop any boxes round to Boris’ house? It’s 10 Downing Street, London, SW1A 2AA.
Does anyone know where I can get hold of a load of cardboard boxes on really short notice? A bloke I know has to move house today, and doesn’t have much time to prepare.
If anyone can help, could you please drop any boxes round to Boris’ house? It’s 10 Downing Street, London, SW1A 2AA.
Phill05
Established Member
Cancel that last request he's "staying put" as nobody wants him living next to them.
Doug B
Shy Tot
SamG340
Established Member
John Brown
Freeloading Social media influenza
That's funny, but I'm sure I remember reading that porn was a major driver in the quest for ever faster internet speeds.
(@Stuart: this isn't supposed to be a joke, just an observation)
Blackswanwood
Still Learning
Ttrees
Iroko loco!
Phil Pascoe
Established Member
I have to "Stuart" that one. 
- Status
