Joke Thread II

[Thingybob]

Ah - this was a French joke. I should Have said (with no disrespect) Irish trucker.

So it was a Belgian truck driver who had emigrated to Irland that was asked to go to France with a delivery etc etc , So it's right if you have to explain a joke it loses something in the process Ho Ho Ho its Christmas got me own back

 

[Robbo3]

I'm never drinking again!

 

[dzj]

 

[Alex H]

 

[dzj]

 

[stuart little]

In the pre-PC days, French people would tell "Belgian" jokes in the same way English would tell Irish jokes, (and US-Polish, and most other nations having something similar...).

The joke is a play on words in the French language. The Pas de Calais is a region in Northern France. "Pas de.." is also a way of saying no to something. Eg "pas de moutarde" would mean "no mustard" if you were ordering a sandwich.

Thanks Stan for explaining it to my "Fans"

 

[Stan]

Thanks Stan for explaining it to my "Fans"

pas de probleme
no problemo
et c.

 

[flying haggis]

I had to go back to see my doctor today.


I said, I applied the pile cream that you gave me this morning and I got a very nasty reaction.


Where exactly did you apply it? he asked.















I said, On the bus.

 

[Cozzer]

My young grandson was born in Spain.
He's surrounded by Spaniards, has been to a Spanish nursery and pre-school since he was one year old, yet he's not picked up a single word of their language.
He's not even mastered the Spanish word for "please"!



I say that's poor for four...

 

[Doug B]

 

[Doug B]

 

[gwaithcoed]

Imagine standing at the back of a queue of 11 footballers at the check out in Tesco and accidentally bumping your trolley into the back of the last one and they all fall down like a row of dominoes

 

[Blackswanwood]

 

[Robbo3]

Just the right moment 1-3

 

[dzj]

 

[Stan]

A young man with a lot more money than road sense bought himself a fast motorbike from a cheap 2nd hand dealer. He immediately took it for a fast spin in the country. The engine cut out all of a sudden while he was in the middle of nowhere. Pushing the bike into a layby, he took off his helmet and began to look at the engine in bewilderment.

After a few minutes of head-scratching and swearing he was no nearer to solving the problem.
"All you have to do is reconnect the battery wire", spoke a voice out of the blue, causing him to jump with shock. Cautiously, he looked around for the speaker but nobody was there.
"I must be hearing things", he thought, still staring at the engine in puzzlement. After a couple of minutes of inactivity the voice spoke again.
"Look. I told you. Reconnect the battery wire and it will work".
The hair rose up on the back of his neck. He knew he was not imagining the voice. Looking round, the only thing he could see was a white horse looking stupidly over the fence at him.
"Nah! It can't be" he thought.
"Was that you? Did you just talk?" he said to the horse.
"Of course" the horse said indignantly, as if talking horses in the country were an everyday thing. "I told you what to do, why don't you try it?"
The young man thought he had nothing to lose so he tried it. To his amazement it worked.
"Thanks", he shouted to the horse as he rode off.

Soon he came across a small country pub. Stopping at the pub he walked in for a celebratory drink. At the bar he related his problem and the amazing talking horse to the barman, who didn't seem amazed by it at all.
"Good job it wasn't a black horse", said the barman.
The young man shivered with thoughts of what a black horse could portend.
"Why?"
"He don't know nothing about engines, he don't", replied the barman, idly wiping some glasses.

 

[Alex H]

 

[niemeyjt]

England will win the world cup - they have the best strikers in the world - Rashford, Kane, Saka, Foden, the postmen, the railway workers, the bus drivers, the nurses, the ambulance drivers, the teachers, national highways, the baggage handlers, the driving examiners, Border Force . . .

 

[Thingybob]

England will win the world cup - they have the best strikers in the world - Rashford, Kane, Saka, Foden, the postmen, the railway workers, the bus drivers, the nurses, the ambulance drivers, the teachers, national highways, the baggage handlers, the driving examiners, Border Force . . .

The sure fire way to bring the country fully to its knees is for the mobile phone company's workers to go on strike . T these youngsters don't know what a General strike is

 

[Doug B]