Some of my strangest interactions with customers.
Customer (tweed jacket and blowing pipe smoke all over me) ''do you think your capable of taking the door off and getting it to fit back properly again, it was a very expensive door don't cha know, i suppose you charge the earth as well, next door had the window and door surgeon chappie round, perhaps i ought to give him a call?? he got surgeon written on his van, your van looks very clean, got too much free time on your hands i should think, well don't keep me here all day, do you thinks you can manage to do the job or not? ''
Me '' to tell you the truth i'm not a very good joiner, would you like me to google the surgeons number for you and save you the trouble''
Customer ''wait there i'll get a pen''
I got in the van and drove off
Joinery repair job
Customer ''you are going to use tanalised (pressure treated) timber for the repairs and replacement sashes aren't you?''
Me ''no i'm afraid not, it will be Douglas fir for the sashes and oak for the cills''
Customer ''oh well i always used to use it at my other houses, i think you should be using it here''
Me ''well if you want me to use a non joinery grade timber stored outside, covered in grit which will ruin the machine blades, sopping wet and god knows what effect the preservative leaking out of it will have on the glue joints and finish then i will not be offended if you would like to find someone else''
Standard outside job
Customer ''your not coming because its raining''
Me ''sorry i can't paint or repair in the rain''
Customer ''Well its going to be dry until 10am''
and the best one, a job 25 miles from where i live
Customer'' i would like you to do the job, but i only want you in the house when i'm there, i have important documents''
1st day, on the job,
Customer ''Right so today you can work from 8 am until 10 am as i'm going out so you have to leave before 10 am but i'll be back at 4.30 pm so you can carry on then until 5.30 pm''
Customer just back from holiday abroad ''I'm very happy with the work that you have done but i'm not paying you''
Me ''why?''
Customer ''I cant afford it at the moment, you will have to wait a few months i have bills coming out''
Customer '' my husband would have done it if he had the time''
Me ''what spend 15 years as joiner and machinist and study for a degree in building survey as well?''
I have had so many good clients who are understanding, trust me to do the very best job i possible can or that can be done, be clear in what they require, pay on time, do not mind waiting for me complete someone else's work before i get to them,
but it only takes a few rude, insulting, undermining or just downright daft clients to make you a lot more cautious and maybe i'm too sensitive but it ruins my day having dealt with one of the above.