Favourite quotes

[Stigmorgan]

“Knowing is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do.”
Bruce Lee

“A society grows great when old men plant trees in whose shade they know they shall never sit.”
Greek proverb.

 

[Yojevol]

Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?
Mae West

 

[Fergie 307]

"Every god damned day" George Patton when a chaplain asked him if he read the bible that he had seen next to the general's bed.

 

[accipiter]

Not everything that can be counted counts and not everything that counts can be counted' (attributed to Albert Einstein)

 

[John Brown]

From the US civil war.

“They couldn’t hit an elephant at this distance”

Gen. John Sedgewick just seconds before being shot.

Usually quoted as "dist", I thought. I used to know one of his descendants, by chance.

 

[John Brown]

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Oscar (or course).

So what's mahogany?

 

[Cozzer]

"Everybody's got to be somewhere."

Spike Milligna, well-known typing error.

 

[selectortone]

Speaking of Spike Milligan:

"People who live in glass houses
Should pull the blinds
Before removing trousers"

 

[MikeJhn]

Not a Quote as such, but still one from the great Spike.

I must go down to the sea again
The lonely sea and sky
I left me shoes and socks there
I wonder if they're dry.

 

[wurglesnash357]

So what's mahogany?

What they celebrate in Scotland, a week after Christmas.

 

[John Brown]

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Oscar (or course).

Not forgetting Groucho's famous riposte, "It's big of me, too".

 

[John Brown]

And while we're on the subject, my favourite wordsmith Ambrose Bierce, “Bigamy, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.”

 

[MikeJhn]

I wish I was a glow worm
A glow worm's never glum
How can you be unhappy
When the sun shines out your bum.

Lots of people claim originality for this, but I have known this ditty since my childhood, now 75, it's not modern.

 

[Sachakins]

So what's mahogany?

Having a stiff wood, with no where to put it

 

[Jameshow]

Climb like a butterfly, decend like wasp!!

Mohammed Ali doctored by me!!!

 

[Cozzer]

Not a Quote as such, but still one from the great Spike.

I must go down to the sea again
The lonely sea and sky
I left me shoes and socks there
I wonder if they're dry.

And yet another....

"Cast adrift
In a open boat
With only the sea
To keep us


Afloat."

 

[stenik]

Self praise is no recommendation.

My dear departed dad

 

[Kittyhawk]

"If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?" Albert Einstein

This is a true stóry.
When I came ashore I worked in the offices of a shipping company. The general manager was in the habit of occasionally sweeping through the office and giving everyone and everything a bit of a rev up.
My job was of a technical nature so my desk was usually covered in ships general arrangement plans, stability books and so on. 'Look at your desk!' He bellowed. 'What a damned shambles. Don't you know the state of your desk indicates the state of your mind? If you look at my desk you will see there's nothing on it..'
There followed a few moments of stunned silence before he turned on his heels and scuttled back to his own office pursued by gales of laughter from the general office staff.
All these years later I still get a giggle out of it now and then.

 

[MorrisWoodman12]

Another from Spike Milligan

My Mum says licorice gives you a good run for your money.

I used to quote it to my children who thought I was talking about their grandmother.

 

[recipio]

" I have observed that in married households the champagne is rarely of a first rate brand " Oscar Wilde's comment on marriage. One could fill a page with epigrams from the same man.