Another Joke
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Doug B
Shy Tot
A dyslexic skier was entered into the down hill slalom he was getting ready for the event when it occurred to him he wasn’t sure if he should zig zag or zag zig, so seeing another likely competitor he approached him & asked,
”excused me in the slalom should I zig zag or zag zig”
“Im sorry I don’t know “ came the reply “I’m a tobogganist“
”Oh in that case can I have 20 Benson & Hedges & a lottery ticket”
”excused me in the slalom should I zig zag or zag zig”
“Im sorry I don’t know “ came the reply “I’m a tobogganist“
”Oh in that case can I have 20 Benson & Hedges & a lottery ticket”
A young woman was stopped by police for driving too fast in a 30 zone. The officer reached for his book of tickets and the conversation went like this.
Woman: But officer, I thought that if a pretty young woman fluttered her eyelashes at an officer he would let her off with just a verbal warning.
Officer: That's right miss, but in your case you do not have to say anything, but anything you do say can and may be used in evidence. ( Opens ticket book....)
Woman: But officer, I thought that if a pretty young woman fluttered her eyelashes at an officer he would let her off with just a verbal warning.
Officer: That's right miss, but in your case you do not have to say anything, but anything you do say can and may be used in evidence. ( Opens ticket book....)
Three things I learned when I joined up a few years ago now:
1. Don't ask where you're going. It's pointless because you have no say in the matter.
2. Don't ask what you are going to do when you get there because even the officers don't know.
3. Never ever ask the cook what he is serving up for scran, because even he doesn't know what it used to be!
1. Don't ask where you're going. It's pointless because you have no say in the matter.
2. Don't ask what you are going to do when you get there because even the officers don't know.
3. Never ever ask the cook what he is serving up for scran, because even he doesn't know what it used to be!
Doug B
Shy Tot
Doug B
Shy Tot
Doug B
Shy Tot
MARK.B.
Established Member
Sachakins
The most wasted of days is one without woodwork
There's just no telling some people, those camouflage just won't protect him from a forthcoming circumcision
niemeyjt
Established Member
Doug B
Shy Tot
Doug B
Shy Tot
The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday. This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for the Dole' scheme and employ some Liverpudlian youngsters.
The decision to hire them was brought about by a report on how unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 4 seconds without proper equipment, where as Ferrari's existing crew could only do it in 6 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high tech equipment.
It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management team as most races are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari an advantage over every other team. However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for!
At the crew's first practice session, not only was the scouser pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 4 seconds, but within 10 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the McClaren team for 10 cases of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Carlos Sainz's bird in the shower...
The decision to hire them was brought about by a report on how unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 4 seconds without proper equipment, where as Ferrari's existing crew could only do it in 6 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high tech equipment.
It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management team as most races are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari an advantage over every other team. However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for!
At the crew's first practice session, not only was the scouser pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 4 seconds, but within 10 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the McClaren team for 10 cases of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Carlos Sainz's bird in the shower...
Doug B
Shy Tot
A husband frantically calls hotel management from his hotel room, "Please come fast I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she will jump out the window of your hotel". .The manager responded, "Sir that's a personal matter. .
Husband: "The window won't open! That's a maintenance matter !"
Husband: "The window won't open! That's a maintenance matter !"
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