Joke Thread III

[Sachakins]

View attachment 160299

Neither, the Lion now Identifes itself as a Zebra!

 

[Cozzer]

"Right, ladies and gents...after all those questions, it's down to a tie-break! Here's your decider!
Who's the only Formula 1 driver to win the World Championship for both McLaren and Ferrari?"
"Lauda!"
"I asked Who's the only Formula 1 driver to win the World Championship for both McLaren and Ferrari?"
"Lauda!"
OK, just one more time...Who's the only Formula 1 driver to win the World Championship for both McLaren and Ferrari?"
"FOR GOD'S SAKE, LAUDA!"


The quiz in the Frog and Gusset continues to this day....

 

[Cozzer]

On today's BBC News site...

"England is seeing record high levels of gonorrhoea and syphilis sexually transmitted infections"









Well, ****** me.....

 

[woodhutt]

 

[Doug B]

 

[wurglesnash357]

"Right, ladies and gents...after all those questions, it's down to a tie-break! Here's your decider!
Who's the only Formula 1 driver to win the World Championship for both McLaren and Ferrari?"
"Lauda!"
"I asked Who's the only Formula 1 driver to win the World Championship for both McLaren and Ferrari?"
"Lauda!"
OK, just one more time...Who's the only Formula 1 driver to win the World Championship for both McLaren and Ferrari?"
"FOR GOD'S SAKE, LAUDA!"


The quiz in the Frog and Gusset continues to this day....

Surely that's back-to-front? As we used to tell it, it went:

"Who's the only Formula 1 driver to win the World Championship for both McLaren and Ferrari?"
"Lauda."
"Who's the only Formula 1 driver to..." followed by a swift exit.

Les

 

[Amateur]

My mate is always bragging about his girlfriend and how good looking she is.
" Have you seen her with nothing on?" I asked.
"Yeh, of course I have, loads of times"
" Have you got a photo of her naked? I asked.
"No, sorry. I don't", he said looking a bit gloomy.
"Would you like to buy some?" I suggested.
He hasn't spoken to me since.

 

[Pedronicus]

 

[Pedronicus]

 

[Kittyhawk]

View attachment 160397

From my days on the waterfront ..
Lighthouse - he just stands there and blinks
Mudguard - shiny on top, sh*t underneath
Computer - you have to punch the information into him
Dwarfie - a vertically challenged wharfie.

 

[Doug B]

 

[Fergie 307]

From my days on the waterfront ..
Lighthouse - he just stands there and blinks
Mudguard - shiny on top, sh*t underneath
Computer - you have to punch the information into him
Dwarfie - a vertically challenged wharfie.

My favourite
Why do you call him ding dong?
He's a bit of a bell (end)

 

[Stan]

From my working days as a plod, three real examples of nicknames for lazy coppers:

"Flash" - because he ( /sarcasm on ) "moved so fast", ( /sarcasm off )
"One-Job" - because that was all he was good for in a day,

and my favourite -
"samurai" - because he took no prisoners. ( left it to everybody else ).

And one for a senior officer ( not to his face - obviously) :

"the smiling assassin", because he was nice to you face to face, but would stab you in the back on the paperwork and at annual assessment time.

 

[TRITON]

 

[flying haggis]

 

[Just4Fun]

From my working days as a plod, three real examples of nicknames for lazy coppers:

When I worked for plod (as a civilian) one shift inspector was known as the olympic torch - because he never went out.

 

[Cozzer]

Not to mention my personal favourite.....
A bloke who suffered badly from plantar and consequently walked with a pronounced limp....

"Sniper's nightmare"....

 

[Doug B]

 

[Cordy]

(.) (.) + £ = ( . ) ( . )

 

[paulrbarnard]

(.) (.) + £ = ( . ) ( . )

Spotting a pound coin on the floor makes your eyes pop.