When I Rule the World.....

[MikeG.]

I will ban patio heaters on day one.

De-humidifiers will be available for rent only, and only when accompanied by evidence of flood damage.

Everyone will be entitled to own 3 planes. The 4th with be taxed at £1000 per annum, the fifth at £2000 etc. The proceeds will come to me personally. I will thank Waka every year for funding my lifestyle.

I will give consideration to a chisel tax, the proceeds of which would go towards funding open workshops in every town.

The number of MPs will be reduced to 300.

Nobody just doing the job for which they are contracted will ever be allowed to receive a bonus.

All oil exploration will cease immediately.

All citizens will receive a carbon dioxide emitting licence, allowing x amount of emissions per year. Those who want to use more will have to buy the surplus from those who use less than their entitlement. The over-all total will be reduced every year.

The air-freighting of all foods will be banned. If we can't grow it or ship it, we don't eat it. This also applies to flowers.

All overseas dependancies and historic legacies of colonialism will be given independence, and the queen will be removed as head of state of everywhere except the British Isles.

No public money will go to any of the royal family except the king or queen. All titles will be dissolved.

Chainsaws will be banned.

The planting of any crop within the tropics will be very tightly regulated.

The state will sever all links with religion. Richard Dawkins will be appointed to oversee the implimentation of this policy. There will be no seperate schools run on religious lines.

Sasquatch will go on the endangered animals list, whether it exists or not.

Flag waving will be banned.

Christmas decorations will only be allowed up for a week before christmas.




That deals with my first week in power......

Mike

 

[mrfixit]

My first act would be to bring back dinosaurs (only the carnivorous ones mind you) and let them loose.

That would cure the growing obesity and aging population problem in a stroke.

Everyone left would be issued a little spear and would have to get organised and cooperate if they wanted dinner.

 

[RogerS]

As long as my first plane is a Typhoon, the second Concorde and the third a Cessna :wink:

 

[MikeG.]

Don't get ideas above your station, Mr Fixit.........I'm in charge, remember! You could always make suggestions to me, but I'm not sure where I'd get hold of any dinosaurs.



Oh, and I forgot. Robert Mugabe would be smeared in honey and tied to a termite mound, alongside the Burmese junta.

Mike

 

[mr grimsdale]

I'd make all unused or underused land or buildings available to whoever would make better use of them, at whatever rent purchase price they could muster, if any.
I'd place the onus on re-housing on whoever chooses to use eviction as a way of reclaiming their property.
I'd attempt to cultivate more respect for quality of life and less for wealth and property.
I'd revitalise the economy by redistribution of wealth from the high saving wealthy to the high spending poor (and cure many social ills in the process) .

 

[mrfixit]

Looks like you've got fight on your hands your highness. Young pretenders popping up everywhere. :lol:

 

[erik]

hi
how about also banning
mothers day
fathers day
valentines day
halloween
and any other american invented excuse for kids to part with their pocket money.
limit the use or fireworks to november 5th only
restrict the number of christmas trees to one per house hold
ban all external, illuminated christmas decorations and any person found leaving them out all year should be hung :twisted:
american childrens tv programms ...banned
an immediate review of the digital switchover policy, cos its snowin here and i cant see a flippin thing on the tv
regards
erik

 

[mrfixit]

Oh, and I'd proclaim a "Shaking Stevens" fan amnesty. But when they all come of the woodwork and think it's all clear, I'd go back on my word and feed them to the dinos. Just because I can.

 

[studders]

When I rule the world I will issue a retrospective ban on ruling the World. :?

 

[MikeG.]

Erik,

very good suggestion. Mothers day, father's day, valentine's day and halloween will be banned.

-

I have also decide to fix football.

Rather than the blunt instument of a salary cap, I thought that I should introduce footballers to the example of rugby...........very close up. Every year, the top team in the Premiership will play the top rugby team in the Guinness Premiership table, the second will play second, etc.

The rules will be very fair. There will be an 80 minute game of 2 halves. The first half will be rugby union, the second half football. A squad of 16 will be allowed. A football goal would be the equivalent of a rugby point.

And the prize? Well, the entire combined annual salaries of the entire staff of footballers and rugby players will be put in a pot, and the game will be winner take all. Rugby rules for addressing the referee will apply throughout.

I can't imagine anything fairer, can you?

Mike

 

[mrfixit]

I can't imagine anything fairer, can you?

Yes I can. The ref and linesmen will be dinosaurs.

 

[MikeG.]

I'm beginning to worry about your dinosaur fixation, Mr Fixit :lol:

Mike

 

[Calpol]

I'm sure they reckoned they could take DNA from dino bones and possibly recreate 'em, you might be in luck Mr Fixit...

 

[TrimTheKing]

Have none of you seen Jurassic Park?

 

[Max Power]

I would immediately introduce a worldwide policy of one child per couple this would very quickly have a positive effect on all the problems caused by population explosion

 

[RogerS]

Any TV programme :-

- with Simon Cowell in it.

- with the term Celebrity in the title

- X-factor

- that encourages kids to believe that they can be famous despite the fact that they are talentless.

- that is so-called 'reality' TV


Also Facebook, Twitter and all other social networking sites thus encouraging people to pick up the telephone and talk or even better meet face-to-face

a monthly limit of 1000 characters 'texting' to also encourage verbal communication.

poorly written instruction leaflets

the entire 'Dummy guide' series

 

[Steve Maskery]

When I rule the world

I'd proclaim a "Shaking Stevens" fan amnesty.

Thanks a bunch guys. Have had Katie Bloody Melua going round in my head for days and days and now I've got Harry Seacombe singing Green Door.

Perhaps I'd ban all catchy music.

S

 

[Doctor]

I'd ban cricket

 

[Alf]

That's a tad extreme. Maybe just ex-cricketers. Ooo, that'd get rid of Geoffrey Boycott as well. Result. \/ :lol:

 

[MikeG.]

Thing is, you're all forgetting that you won't get a say. It'll be me doing the banning.

Mike