Things you say that got you into the dog house.

[DrPhill]

My lovely wife came home from the hairdresser, and all I said was, "You look nice."

She then proceeded to throw the contents of the house at me. Apparently it wasn't what she had asked for. Having learned my lesson, I now say something along the lines of "I like it if you like it", or even "Tell me what to say!"

It's only fair, because I reserve the right to throw things when I'm plumbing. Sometimes it helps.

Send her this link.....

 

[Trainee neophyte]

Send her this link.....

Duly sent. I wonder if it will help?

 

[artie]

One evening she put her head round the door and asked, "what's on TV?"

"Dust" says I.

That's when the fight started.

 

[Player33]

 

[Inspector]

Nah. She is snoring.

Pete

 

[Ozi]

While in the throws of passion, uttering the name of the last girlfriend into the ear of the present girlfriend.

Pete

Went out with a girl called Sue after having split up with another also called Sue, similar circumstances got a very frosty look and "which Sue" sometimes you are just never going to win

 

[Paul555]

When wife asks which of her jeans you have washed, the answer "The one's that are a bit tight on you" is apparently the wrong response and really quite dangerous...

 

[Stan]

A "no win" situation is when she asks "does my bum look big in this?"

What can you say that doesn't get you into trouble? Claiming your right to silence fails miserably.

 

[Cabinetman]

Well you could always try a little white lie and some flattery Stan, "no you look as gorgeous as the day I married you."
You are allowed a little white lie in response to daft questions in my opinion. Ian

 

[Dibs-h]

A "no win" situation is when she asks "does my bum look big in this?"

Have a good grope, smirk and say "It feels perfectly fine!" and go make a tea\coffee.

 

[Fergie 307]

I bought my wife flowers. Once. She took them and said Christ! What have you done?

And I bet she will have since said "you never buy me flowers". You can't win.

 

[Fergie 307]

My wife was trying on some swimwear and asked me for my opinion;

I said ''you look like 5lb of meat in a 4lb bag'' but she's a good 'un and just fell about laughing.

My God I would be dead, in fact she would probably bring me back to life just to kill me again !

 

[Phil Pascoe]

A chap I worked with gave a girl a lift home every night for a week or so. I asked him one day if if he was "attending to her needs" (euphemistically) because if he wasn't, he ought to be to be as she was obliging and very, very good,
No, he said, why would I want to go to bed with my brother's wife?

 

[Player33]

A "no win" situation is when she asks "does my bum look big in this?"

What can you say that doesn't get you into trouble? Claiming your right to silence fails miserably.

answering

“Of course dear, your bum looks big in everything...”

or

“do these jeans make my bum look big?”
“No dear, cake makes your bum look big...”

...makes your nose bleed.

 

[Sachakins]

Wife ... Does my bum look big in this?
Husband... err, umm, well, No Darling,
then for some inexplicable reason, his brain disconnects for a split second, and he goes on to say, ...Huge would be better description.

He has been in Intensive Care for 10 days so far......

 

[pidgeonpost]

Well done guys - that was all a good laugh.

My wife died 4 years ago and I can't really remember any specific examples but it was the ones where you say something totally innocuous........ and the world comes tumbling down! And it is "what the 'f' have I said now?". I would like to think it happened the other way on occasions, but it's all one way traffic from my memory.
Rob

It's particularly bad when they suddenly go all tight-lipped and scowly when you twig on and say 'Have I done something to upset you, my flower?' and they say 'WELL IF YOU DON'T B****Y WELL KNOW, I'M NOT GOING TO B****Y WELL TELL YOU".