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screwpainting

Established Member
Joined
15 Nov 2015
Messages
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Location
chatham
Go and get me a... Go ask if they've got a... See if you can find a... Go and tell the...8)

Skirting ladder
Long weight
Cordless chalk line
Bucket base
Water clips
Poop deck paper
Ceiling rose pruners
Fuse board sprayer
Coveing shovel
Flooring steps
Painters bump filler
Silent fire alarm
Tin of safety poison




Must be thousands, and some backfire.
 
bubble for the level (this one did backfire, helps when you know the stores guy)
sky hook (until the damned telecom boys starting using something called a skyhook)
left handed screwdriver
horizontal plumb bob
glass hammer
long stand
fretting stand (as in go stand and fret over what's coming next)
arc lighter (for lighting the arc on a welder)
the list goes on
 
My best was doing a bit of plumbing with a mate (several years older, so should have known better) and was installing elbow joints to go round corners. Told him they were very tight press-fit ones, and sent him down the shop to get some elbow grease..... it went perfectly!!

novocaine":1rs4p1oj said:
sky hook (until the damned telecom boys starting using something called a skyhook)
IIRC, Datsun had an automatic transmission called a Skyhook...
 
A firm I used to work for had an arrangement with a firm down the road for "borrowing" a long stand.

We used to wait until winter though and then a nice wet windy day until we decided that it was needed for a job.
 
Brass magnet. Red oil for a red lamp, or red battery for the electric version.

We once sent a particularly dull trainee to another department, who had requested a size 4 of a certain item with two size 2's , as two twos make four.
 
Back in the dim and distant past a joiner on one site I worked on sent the apprentice (along with 5/-) to the wholesale ironmongers near the site for a box of left handed screws - what he didn't know was that the apprentice's uncle worked in the ironmongers. Outshot was that said apprentice eventually returned to site with a box of clutch head security screws (left hand thread!) and a message for the joiner to send another £2 back to the ironmongers. After a lot of argument and banter on site, red faced joiner was sent to ironmongers to return screws and explain/apologise for wasting their time, much to the staff's amusement. To the best of my knowledge that particular joiner didn't take part in any more fools errand pranks.
 
novocaine":1nuaas9r said:
arc lighter (for lighting the arc on a welder)
the list goes on

I'm 55 years old and can shamelessly say I would of fallen for that one. :oops:
 
When it went wrong;
- Go and get some tartan paint - it exists (brand name)
- skyhook

when it went horribly right;
- Radar test. Persuade chef to wrap in foil, wear a stainless colander as a hat and get him to walk around the shipyard for an hour in front of 2 thousand yardies. Oh and it was January
- Bag of sparks for the grinder, hour later much swearing
 
sky hook (until the damned telecom boys starting using something called a skyhook)

id_ch54_tarhe_tank_700.jpg


glass hammer

1PC-Break-Window-Glass-Hammer-Car-Emergency-Safety-Gear-Belt-Rope-Cutter-Tool.jpg_640x640.jpg


arc lighter

s-l300.jpg


Striped paint.

I'm certain I remember seeing this and polka dot paint on Tomorrow's World thirty years ago or so - the trick being that the surface was textured or something.
 
As a young foolish apprentice I was sent down to the local cake shop for a `large Yorkshire Tart!` the lads knew the lady shop keeper was from Bradford.

I never went to that shop again and im sure my ears are still damaged!
 
It's funny Mark, I saw most of those things bought back to someone from stores (ok, maybe not the helicopter), almost like the stores guy had heard them all before. :D

whilst I'm not old enough to remember punch cards for real, I did work in a printers that still had one machine that ran on it for specialist jobs. the foreman sent a work experience lad to the office for "a bag of punch holes" to adjust the program, sure enough the lad comes back with a bin bag full of punched out little circles, "no lad, we need square ones for this machine", off the lad runs again (can't have been older than 16). comes back 10 minutes later with a bag full of rectangular ones (ring binder punch outs) "no lad, I said square ones, if they haven't got any ask for some paper and pair of scissors will ya". guess what his job for the rest of the day was. Boss took pity on him eventually and made out to be using the perfectly cut bits of square paper on an old ream, don't think the lad ever knew.

anyways, old wifes tales aside.

squeek detector
tapered rule
leg extender (as in your pulling it)
loose gusset (go ask the girls in procurement if they can get you a loose gusset)
3 way flange

to much time on site or the floor me thinks, I tried not to get involved and had a few done to me too, these days it doesn't seem to happen but maybe because I don't do that sort of work anymore.
 
We had a really cruel one whereby someone would suggest to the lad to "go ask thommo about his sister's piano lessons". Any way it was prearranged the thommo would go absolutely ballistic.........you b#$@@rd you know my sister had her fingers chopped off in a freak accident!
 
Off topic? Joke "played in reverse".

Anyway else noticed how a lot of storekeepers seem to resent issuing stuff - almost like they're parting with their own property?

It's common practice when moving aircraft around in tight spaces that you position a bloke on each wingtip, and he's issued with a whistle from stores ("Acme Birmingham" I seem to remember) to blow if the aeroplane is getting close to contacting something it shouldn't.

One day a mate of mine went to store with a whistle and asked the miserable git of a storeman for a replacement.

Q: "What's the matter with it?"

A: "Doesn't work".

Storeman takes it, blows hard, and it works piercingly, just as usual. "Fine, nothing the matter with that. Where did you find it?"

A: "In the Gents urinals"
 
It's the reason I learned to make a 4" square of 1200 grit last forever.
also the reason I had a 4" aluminium shaft with a hexagonal hole broached in one end 7mm across the flats. because the old git refused to give you a pencil unless you returned the nub at less than 25mm (different guy to the chap I knew).
3 rules for a good working day
1. do not piss off the cook
2. do not piss off the storesman/quartermaster
3. DO NOT PISS OfF THE STORESMAN/QUARTERMASTER
 
novocaine":1sydwdmk said:
1. do not water of the cook
2. do not water of the storesman/quartermaster
3. DO NOT water OF THE STORESMAN/QUARTERMASTER


Took me a while to work out that it was a combination of you incorrectly using "of" rather than "off" and that the site had changed the word "p*ss" to "piss" automatically.

.
 
Set of brick spanners
Washing line grease
Set of asphalt props
Reverse thread cut nails
Screw hole remover
Dovetail bolster
Small tube of skip polish
A Jack and Danny plunger
 

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