Lou Read??

[woody67]

Dear Marj.......For the past few weeks, I've been reading the Axminster catalogue on the loo instead of my faithful Autocar magazine. My family and friends don't understand me and I'm being ridiculed at work. Will therapy help? Will I be cured? Is my addiction long-term? Am I alone in this depraved activity? Are there support groups? PLEASE HELP, I'm at the end of my tether and don't know which way to turn as I feel so alone.

Yours in desperation

Name and address witheld. :wink:

 

[Fecn]

Dear woody67 - First let me say that you are not alone - A great number of grown men suffer from this condition. There are a number of therapy options available to help reduce your dependence on the Axminster Catalog.

One of the preferred techniques we use in my clinic is known within the medical professions as the dm-tools-catalog technique. Many addicts have found that this gives temporary relief from their Axminster additcion. Other therapies we also prescribe in my clinic include the Screwfix and MachineMart methods.

It should be noted, as with many prescription drugs, that these alternative solutions can pose their own risks, and it is possible to become addicted to a plethora of different catalogs at once. Many of the alternatives are available in a concentrated strength 'A5-format' which makes it easier for addicts to use them in other places (e.g. the bath)

Once again, do not worry - You are not alone and your condition is not unique. Help is at hand.

 

[Slim]

Here at the AA (Axminsterholics Anonymus) we have been pioneering a new and very effictive treatment. It has been so succesful I would even go as far as saying it is a cure.

It is very simple. Instead of picking up that troublesome Axminster catalogue when you feel nature calling, pick up a bank or credit card statement. The cure is instantanious.

But beware! Some people have experienced a very severe depression which can be brought on from staring at bank statements for too long. I know I have!

 

[motownmartin]

Dear Woody, there is a simple solution to this sickness, ask your Mrs to hide the toilet rolls, then when nature calls you will find that the axminster catalogue will slowly but surely dissapear.

 

[Bodrighy]

Without going into gory explanations, the Axminster catalogue is of the wrong quality paper to be used in this fashion. Added to this is the fact that the ink runs almost as bad as newspaper when not used in a correct manner....(so I'm told)

Pete

 

[Woodmagnet]

I don't have room for catalogues or magazines.

:lol:

 

[shedhead]

I thought i was the only one with this affliction. Although mine has spread to multiple books. I sit in the evening with Axminster, stiles & bates, Craft Supplies and screwfix books, all within arms reach. My wife moans each morning cos she has to move them. I break into a cold sweat when they are placed some where out of sight. Nothing wrong with looking at books with knockers (door) legs ( table ) ect........

 

[devonwoody]

I am pleased to report in that my addiction to above problem is now in regression owing to poor financial straits, however I do sympathize for my fellow friends but perhaps the price increases will detract there addiction very shortly.

 

[woody67]

I don't have room for catalogues or magazines.

I'm sorry Kevin, but considering the serious nature of my affliction and the subsequent consequences - I DO NOT find your flippant comment funny! Other posters to press have given sound advice:- I am now going to seek consolation on the Ben - Ghazi as a result (Hope I have one! - result that is!) I may plan a new project whilst there, but as I can't use Sketchup due to poor wireless conectivity, I may have to work it out with a pencil!!

Mark

 

[motownmartin]

I don't have room for catalogues or magazines.

I'm sorry Kevin, but considering the serious nature of my affliction and the subsequent consequences I may have to work it out with a pencil!!

Mark

Steady on, that might hurt a little, make sure it's blunt, or better still, use a felt tip.

 

[Jim Linn]

My solution is to get a catalogue of the other Axminster stuff - carpets. This will bore you shitless, which will speed up your visit. This means you might find that you can get in and get out before temptation to read the real catalogue strikes.

 

[Woodmagnet]

I don't have room for catalogues or magazines.

I'm sorry Kevin, but considering the serious nature of my affliction and the subsequent consequences - I DO NOT find your flippant comment funny! Other posters to press have given sound advice:- I am now going to seek consolation on the Ben - Ghazi as a result (Hope I have one! - result that is!) I may plan a new project whilst there, but as I can't use Sketchup due to poor wireless conectivity, I may have to work it out with a pencil!!

Mark

And how many plans do you think i come up with on the
throne, look again at the size of my notepad. :lol: :lol:

 

[woody67]

Kevin - [-( [-( [-(

 

[Woodmagnet]

Oh! Okay then, i apologise profusely for my Flippant
comment regarding the length of time you sit on the throne.
And just to show how much i mean it, i would like to send you one of these.

:twisted:

 

[woody67]

:shock: :shock: :shock: Now that's what I need - especially after sitting so long! :wink:

 

[Philly]

Wow! Kevin - that looks grate........... :roll:
Philly

 

[woodbloke]

At least in Kevins second pic the 'material' :wink: in question is hanging the right way...can't abide loo paper against the wall :evil:. Is it me or what? - Rob

 

[motownmartin]

With all this awful toilet humour going on, this forum is going down the pan.

Wouldn't we be better off talking about making stools or something, maybe a discussion on the density of wood.

A question, does a high density log sink under the water more than a low desity log?

 

[woody67]

With all this awful toilet humour going on, this forum is going down the pan.

Sorry Martin - I thought it was a bog standard query and I had nothing to loos! :wink:

 

[Woodmagnet]

With all this awful toilet humour going on, this forum is going down the pan.

Wouldn't we be better off talking about making stools or something, maybe a discussion on the density of wood.

A question, does a high density log sink under the water more than a low desity log?

Depends if it's "Bog Oak" or not. :lol: