Or Groucho Marx, these are my principles, if you don't like them I have others. Recently used rather amusingly in relation to Keir Starmer.
Great Rejoinders
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ColinDeVelen
Established Member
Ones I like to use in the office here, which seem to cause consternation with some of the younger folks are.
To: 'Can I ask you a question?' I reply 'You just have.....'
To: 'Can I interrupt you?' I reply, 'You already did.....'.
To: 'Can I have a question?' I reply 'Certainly, whats the square root of 196?' (can I have a question is a simple translation from the standard Czech.)
To: 'Can I ask you a question?' I reply 'You just have.....'
To: 'Can I interrupt you?' I reply, 'You already did.....'.
To: 'Can I have a question?' I reply 'Certainly, whats the square root of 196?' (can I have a question is a simple translation from the standard Czech.)
ColinDeVelen
Established Member
And for those that can remember it, from Glompus Van DeHload's Tales from the Crypt.
'Sir, this has just come through the letterbox' ; 'What is it?' ; 'It's an oblong hole in the door for the mail sir.'
'Right Porno, I'll show the commissioner just how smart I am' ; 'You get the ruler sir, I'll get the two short planks'.
There are others, but those were the ones that sprang to mind first.
'Sir, this has just come through the letterbox' ; 'What is it?' ; 'It's an oblong hole in the door for the mail sir.'
'Right Porno, I'll show the commissioner just how smart I am' ; 'You get the ruler sir, I'll get the two short planks'.
There are others, but those were the ones that sprang to mind first.
A rather obnoxious fishing club member challenged me on the river one day asking "Are you a member" to which I relied "Yes" his retort was "I have never seen you before" to which I replied "We have both been very lucky"
Years ago someone at work asked me "Can I ask a silly question", to which I replied "Better than anyone I know".
treeturner123
Established Member
There's always the difference between 'Can' and 'May' to sort out the pedants!
Phil
Phil
ColinDeVelen
Established Member
Another one I enjoy using is when other engineers come up to my desk and say 'I have a problem', I reply with 'Go and see the doctor then, he will give you some cream for it'.
The more I use things like that, the less people bother me
The more I use things like that, the less people bother me
MorrisWoodman12
Established Member
I think my best was to a colleague who would occasionally say "Well! I'll be b¥$$ered" to which I replied "It's a very kind of you but please excuse me if I don't accept your offer: I have a headache at the moment".
Phil Pascoe
Established Member
F.E. Smith when a judge asked him what he should give the passive partner in the act (when homosexuality was illegal) - 30/- or £2, depends what you've got in your pocket.
John Brown
Freeloading Social media influenza
Any riposte from Dorothy Parker.
woodhutt
Established Member
Another Dorothy Parker...
'If all the women in New York were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.'
'If all the women in New York were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.'
woodhutt
Established Member
And a Naval one...
From WW2 when a fleet of US ships rendezvoused with a fleet from the Royal Navy, the US Commander signalled "Greetings to the second biggest navy in the world.'
The reply came back, 'Likewise, to the second best.'
From WW2 when a fleet of US ships rendezvoused with a fleet from the Royal Navy, the US Commander signalled "Greetings to the second biggest navy in the world.'
The reply came back, 'Likewise, to the second best.'
skeetstar
Established Member
There was a joint US RN fleet in the far east at end ww2. After an very fierce storm which damaged several USN ships, an American captain signalled an RN vessel and asked if they had been damaged during the storm.
The RN vessel replied 'What storm'.
Boringgeoff
Established Member
I was working for a concrete company, the boss arrived at work 7am to find the four of us lounging around the smoko room drinking coffee. With an irate tone he said "I'm sick and tired of coming to work and finding you lot sitting around doing SFA!" There was a moments silence then Jimmy said "We've just finished a house slab, we started at 3.30am, the next job's not until 8.00." The boss slunk back to his office.
