Free standing wood panelling...???!!!

[bourbon]

I think I know this bloke! He sounds a typical re-enactor. We do have weird Ideas sometimes. His vehicle sounds a bit small though, Has he got roof bars and a trailer by any chance?

 

[Bm101]

Joking aside, steering the misguided vision of clients to a more realistic version of events (as it might be termed in modern parlance) is a major part of any trade from joinery to graphic design to window cleaning. As a rope access worker of many years I was once tasked with cleaning a part of a new building, (the roundy bit on the corner below). The rest was all accessible by cradle.

I joined the Building Manager on the roof to look at the job and discuss RAMS etc.
'So.... he says what are you going to rig your ropes off?'
I indicate the two 2 foot square cradle rails, engineered to hold the half ton cradle housing, the cradle and two men.
'Those should bear my weight I say. Even if I am nearly 10 1/2 stone when I'm carrying my wallet on payday.
'Ohhhh, he says. That's an issue. We can only test those for vertical fixing and you'd be hanging of the side of them so I'm not sure that would be feasible.
'I'm a level 3 I say, I can designate my own points
'Ahhhh, yes but the paperwork he says. Also, what if the other windowcleaners were in the cradle and they ran over your rigging?
'I know the windowcleaner and more importantly he knows me. He won't be coming near my ropes. I'll have a quiet word in his ear I say. I'm confident he won't forget I assure him.

( :-" )

Gosh. I'm not sure. What if you rig off that steel work over there? * He gestures at a load of steel surrounding the plant about 30 metres away.
I look him straight in the face now because I'm not sure if he's pulling my leg.
I look back at the steel work.

Oooo k. But theres's a bit of an issue I say patiently. The windows you want cleaned are on this corner of the building. And that steel is right the way over there.
Yes. He says. As brightly as a May morning
Soooo, if I rig my ropes off that then hop over the side of the building its possible I might sail 30 metres through the air reaching a fair speed, gravity almost, before I die horribly from impacting the side of your building there and we all make the newspapers for the wrong reasons.
'Ahh yes. I see your point. He muses.
( :idea: )
Hmmmm he says. What we really need is a way to keep your ropes in position on this corner without you swinging back over there isn't it?
'It certainly is a conundrum isn't it I wonder.
'Ooooh! He says, what if you put a sling round this cradle track on the corner to keep you in place! That might work!

Well. I think you might just have solved that one I say. God. I don't even know why you got me in. You might just have done it yourself. Have you done any rope access work before?

No! No! I haven't.

Well. I better watch out I say. Seems like there's experts everywhere just waiting to be revealed.
Good job you were here to sort it.

Well he says. Glad I could help.

Thanks a million I say.

 

[Duncan A]

It should be possible to make panels that click-fit together in some fashion.
Some form of foot arrangement that stands the panels a short distance off the walls.
Thin steel wire across the top of the room, attached by clips to the top of the panels, with weights hanging down the back of the panels to keep the wire tensioned and the panels upright.
It would be quite easy to make a small trial version and find out if I'm talking poppycock!
Duncan

 

[Steve Maskery]

This thread is hilarious!
Noooooooooo!

 

[Tasky]

What about somehting like this

That is VERY much what I've been envisioning my own self... even if I have to cut the metal uprights in half and install a solid connector, or something. Long as the weight of mounted junk doesn't tip everything forward, that's as close to a winner as I've gotten so far!!

And since I generally regard myself as thick, but not stupid, you can be *sure* I'll send him to their site first, just in case it solves all the problems in one!!

This would be a whole lot easier if his memory could be a bit more specific on things like 'feet'!!

I think I know this bloke! He sounds a typical re-enactor. We do have weird Ideas sometimes.

Actually, you may have seen him at a few events, helping to run stalls. Hertsmonceux, Kelmarsh, etc... Does more medievally nonny stuff. When not nonney'd up, he dresses a bit more like Dr Who/Tom Baker... but shorter... and rounder.....

His vehicle sounds a bit small though, Has he got roof bars and a trailer by any chance?

No, but he can get full length polearms in it...

@Tasky: I've been reading your post with more and more astonishment, mirth, and then disbelief! Thoroughly entertaining, but beginning to believe the bloke really IS mad (or is his name Trump? No, sorry, forget, same thing isn't it).

Not quite - Trump at least has enough money and sense to just buy a frakking' house and have it panelled properly!!!

I assume the "entertaining" part is seeing how long I can bang my head against the wall before passing out?
Let me know if you're taking bets...

Good luck mate, I think you'll need it.

Luck is appreciated.... Aspirin would be better!!!!!

1. (preferred) Put deep free-standing bookcases at intervals along the wall, and suspend the panelling between pairs of those. Nice contract to make the bookcases too .

That was Option 2, or something along those lines....
He has said, "I remember that there was a whole load of furniture in front of it – cupboards, a sofa, bookshelves, that kind of thing. But whether they were there to hold it up, or whether they were there to cover the “legs”, I don’t know"....
So if I can do some furniture and fix panels upright to it, then fine....

2. Have some (elegant) diagonal braces coming out of the front, but make them removable so that he need not use them in the final resting place.

That's actually Option 3, which depends on how much floor space he's happy losing and how often he'll trip over the things.

It's probably one of those things where he'll realise/remember one tiny detail and suddenly everything will fall into place - We'll go up B&Q, spend five minutes and £30, which would have all happened earlier if only he'd known teh name of the flipping thing.

 

[AES]

Not taking any bets Tasky, but shall I send you a Monster pack of Aspirin?

AES

 

[Geoff_S]

When you have finished, I would like you to make me a wood panelled log burner. Freestanding of course. (hammer)

 

[CHJ]

What about somehting like this:

I was thinking along similar lines.

 

[Tasky]

When you have finished, I would like you to make me a wood panelled log burner. Freestanding of course. (hammer)

See, *that* I already have a better idea of how to achive!!!

 

[rafezetter]

It should be possible to make panels that click-fit together in some fashion.
Some form of foot arrangement that stands the panels a short distance off the walls.
Thin steel wire across the top of the room, attached by clips to the top of the panels, with weights hanging down the back of the panels to keep the wire tensioned and the panels upright.
It would be quite easy to make a small trial version and find out if I'm talking poppycock!
Duncan

Can't attach to the walls with anything, anywhere, the "some sort of foot arrangement" would mean feet sticking out 2 foot at least (how heavy is a broadswoard and musket... anyone know?) if the load is only on the face side - the idea of weighting the back side might be able to help with that, but would add to transport weight.

The corner type display is about the only choice, which will still need feet but can be smaller, and even then care will have to be taken with loading.

Idea..... Don't spose you might be able to persuade him a 3 part, semi hexagonal folding display could be made, detachable splayed feet for the wings, multiple thin, veneered, flat faced panels into thicker frames to keep weight down, you could also possibly have thicker MDF veneered panels that protrude out the back in the central panel at the bottom to increase weight there thus lowering it's centre of gravity.

Musket in the centre - diagonally, the swords vertically on each wing panel. Could be made to fit into a room corner somewhere and not be huge.

That's all I got otherwise, sorry.... getting that into a suzuki swift... you're on your own there mate

 

[Ttrees]

The most important thing to think about here, would be the safety aspect now, and down the road.
If it got damaged in this wee car or even on a truck,
and propped up by other methods, probably very likely to happen, with some designs....
it could be a dangerous affair!
Price that into the list, I mean by that
in, maybe refusing to agree with the clients design, and not doing it the cheapest way possible...
He could have his own ideas by now to add to the mix.

 

[Racers]

Panel the walls in oak and make a stained pine light weight free standing one for taking out on a Sunday drive.

Pete

 

[MikeG.]

.......Thick carpet might be an issue too.

He wants it to stand on top of the carpet?

There's a time you have to laugh, put a hand on his shoulder, and tell him he's mad as a cut snake.

 

[Tasky]

how heavy is a broadswoard and musket... anyone know?

1-2lbs and 10.5lbs respectively... don't ask how I know!

"It'll only need to be taken down and moved once or twice in its lifetime, between two houses that are confirmed as built to the same design and measurements", apparently...

I've asked if his sister, who still lives in SA, can go back to this miracle house from 1982 where he saw it and take photos if the bloody thing is still standing!! :roll:

 

[Bm101]

Might a bit of research on exhibition stands or similar be fruitful Tasky? Bit left field but you never know. Google a few specialist providers to trade. Might pick up an idea or two.

 

[Tasky]

TBH, I think this will end up just being half-height cabinets with some kind of load-bearing backing.

 

[Tasky]

Finally found out what this eccentric moron has in mind...

What he wants is theatrical scenery.
Because he trod the boards as a youth, you see....which means he built a set once, so knows far more about woodwork than anyone else, including me.

Basically a pair of fence post supports, with 1" square uprights that have a groove ploughed in, and then sheets of plywood slid in between them. 3mm is ideal, but 5mm will have to do.
Failing that, nail the plywood to the face of the 1" uprights to prevent racking, because that is so much steadier...


I think I've convinced him that a man of his considerable talent and experience is perfectly capable of pineappling off and pineappling this up by himself, so doesn't need me to do anything more than plough a few grooves!

 

[Geoff_S]

Well, it has been a bit of a farce.

Are you going on tour?

 

[Jacob]

Free standing partition is often called a screen or room divider and is not at all uncommon. Just needs feet, or like ScaredyCat's above, set at an angle to each other, or both

PS ScaredyCat's screens at right angles have disappeared!

Not sure why the idea has caused massed panic attack!

 

[Tasky]

Well, it has been a bit of a farce.
Are you going on tour?

I'm thinking we should...
He can use the show takings to hire Rob Cosman and have him build this faux-scenery cack!!

I think the best scene of the whole farce was him telling me his frame (two uprights, two crossbeams) was most definitely an A-frame (OK, it was a square A shape) and that A-frames do NOT have a point at the top.
One quick Google later....

Oh, and the one where this free-standing structure of his was not actually a "structure" because it was not part of the building.....!!

Free standing partition is often called a screen or room divider and is not at all uncommon.

Ah, but it still costs more money than theatrical scenery, you see....

I really do feel like Marwood, being spoken to by Uncle Monty. I keep expecting an anecdote of how, as a youth, he would weep in butcher shops!