This is donkeys years old but have just come across it again

[lurker]

Dear Sir I write this note to you to tell you of my plight
For at the time of writing I am not a pretty sight
My body is all black and blue, my face a deathly grey
And I write this note to say why Paddy's not at work today.

Whilst working on the fourteenth floor,some bricks I had to clear
To throw them down from such a height was not a good idea
The foreman wasn't very pleased, the bloody awkward sod
He said I had to cart them down the ladders in my hod.

Now clearing all these bricks by hand, it was so very slow
So I hoisted up a barrel and secured the rope below
But in my haste to do the job, I was too blind to see
That a barrel full of building bricks was heavier than me.

And so when I untied the rope, the barrel fell like lead
And clinging tightly to the rope I started up instead
I shot up like a rocket till to my dismay I found
That half way up I met the bloody barrel coming down.

Well the barrel broke my shoulder, as to the ground it sped
And when I reached the top I banged the pulley with my head
I clung on tightly, numb with shock, from this almighty blow
And the barrel spilled out half the bricks, fourteen floors below.

Now when these bricks had fallen from the barrel to the floor
I then outweighed the barrel and so started down once more
Still clinging tightly to the rope, my body racked with pain
When half way down, I met the bloody barrel once again.

The force of this collision, half way up the office block
Caused multiple abrasions and a nasty state of shock
Still clinging tightly to the rope I fell towards the ground
And I landed on the broken bricks the barrel scattered round.

I lay there groaning on the ground I thought I'd passed the worst
But the barrel hit the pulley wheel, and then the bottom burst
A shower of bricks rained down on me, I hadn't got a hope
As I lay there bleeding on the ground, I let go the bloody rope.

The barrel then being heavier then started down once more
And landed right across me as I lay upon the floor
It broke three ribs, and my left arm, and I can only say
That I hope you'll understand why Paddy's not at work today.

 

[MikeG.]

This isn't the original.

The original was "speech to the Oxford Union" by Gerard Hoffnung, who was the author of this much copied piece. It was written and delivered in the first person, and was from the late 50's or early 60's I think. I think Hoffnung was principally a musician and cartoonist.

A version was done televisually in "Some Mothers Do 'ave 'em".

It niggles me to see this circulating as a "genuine" insurance claim form, as it does from time to time.

The original is well worth listening to.........if you can find it

Mike

 

[lurker]

Mike -and I thought I was a pedantic old git :lol:


Heres another - same author I think

T'was a dangerous cliff, as they freely confessed
Though to walk near its crest was so pleasant;
But over its terrible edge there had slipped
A duke and full many a peasant.
The people said something would have to be done
But their projects did not at all tally
Some said put a fence around the edge of the cliff
Some 'an ambulance down in the valley'

The lament of the crowd was profound and was loud
as their hearts overflowed with their pity.
But the cry for the ambulance carried the day,
as it spread through the neighbouring city.
A collection was made to accumulate aid
And dwellers in high-rise and alley
Gave pounds or pence, not to furnish a fence,
But an ambulance down in the valley.

For the cliff is quite safe, if you're careful they said,
'And if people should slip and are dropping-
It isn't the slipping that hurts them so much
As the shock down below when they're stopping.'
So for years we have heard as these mishaps occurred,
Quick forth would the rescuers sally.
To pick up the victims who fell from the cliff.
With the ambulance down in the valley.

Said one as his plea 'it's amazing to me
That you'd give so much greater attention
To repairing the results than to curing the cause,
You had much better aim at prevention.
'For the mischief of course, should be stopped at its source-
Come, neighbours and friends, let us rally.
It is far better sense to rely on a fence
Than an ambulance down in the valley.'

He's daft in the head' the majority said.
He would end all our earnest endeavour.
He's a man who would shirk this responsible work
but we will support it forever.'
'Aren't we picking up all, just as fast as they fall.
And giving them care liberally?
A superfluous fence is of no consequence
If the ambulance works in the valley.'

Now this story seems queer as I've given it here,
But things oft occur which are stranger.
More humane we assert to repair the hurt,
Than the plan of removing the danger.
The best possible course would be to safeguard the source,
And to attend to things rationally.
Yes, build up the fence, and therefore dispense,
With the ambulance down in the valley."

 

[MikeG.]

Mike -and I thought I was a pedantic old git :lol:

Why thank you kind sir...........I shall take that as a compliment!!

Mike