Things you say that got you into the dog house.
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On our first Valentines day I bought my future wife a huge big bunch of lovely chrysanthemum.
How was I supposed to know in Sicily, chrysanthemum are the flowers you buy dead people!
She still tells that one to all and sundry at every opportunity.
How was I supposed to know in Sicily, chrysanthemum are the flowers you buy dead people!
She still tells that one to all and sundry at every opportunity.
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Phil Pascoe
Established Member
It's usually "this the way your sister likes it as well".
Cabinetman
Established Member
Brilliant! Made me laugh out loud thanks.I knew you were going to say that!
Well done guys - that was all a good laugh.
My wife died 4 years ago and I can't really remember any specific examples but it was the ones where you say something totally innocuous........ and the world comes tumbling down! And it is "what the 'f' have I said now?". I would like to think it happened the other way on occasions, but it's all one way traffic from my memory.
Rob
My wife died 4 years ago and I can't really remember any specific examples but it was the ones where you say something totally innocuous........ and the world comes tumbling down! And it is "what the 'f' have I said now?". I would like to think it happened the other way on occasions, but it's all one way traffic from my memory.
Rob
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We were talking, SWMBO and I, about choosing something or other in some posh shop and she wanted one thing and I disagreed and said to her that it should be my choice because she should realise that I have a much better sense of taste than she does. The shop assistant was ready to duck when the reply was "what the hell gives you that impression!" I held up my hand to stop her and I just said that it was totally obvious and I could prove it any day at any time. She said OK then do so!
I just told her that it was obvious and the proof was ------- I chose her, look who she chose
That's one argument won
I just told her that it was obvious and the proof was ------- I chose her, look who she chose
That's one argument won
Terrytpot
Established Member
My Mrs ,luckily, has a decent sense of humour too or my standard reply at supermarket checkouts to the question "Do you need a bag?" would get me in deep trouble as I always say "No thanks, I brought mine with me"
I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.
I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it – stuck right in the middle of the cow’s backside.
I lifted the cow’s tail and yelled to my wife, ‘Hey, this looks like yours!’ and I don’t remember much after that.
I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it – stuck right in the middle of the cow’s backside.
I lifted the cow’s tail and yelled to my wife, ‘Hey, this looks like yours!’ and I don’t remember much after that.
Lons
Established Member
That one and others very similar have done the rounds a few times Marcros
Trainee neophyte
Established Member
My lovely wife came home from the hairdresser, and all I said was, "You look nice."
She then proceeded to throw the contents of the house at me. Apparently it wasn't what she had asked for. Having learned my lesson, I now say something along the lines of "I like it if you like it", or even "Tell me what to say!"
It's only fair, because I reserve the right to throw things when I'm plumbing. Sometimes it helps.
She then proceeded to throw the contents of the house at me. Apparently it wasn't what she had asked for. Having learned my lesson, I now say something along the lines of "I like it if you like it", or even "Tell me what to say!"
It's only fair, because I reserve the right to throw things when I'm plumbing. Sometimes it helps.
Jameshow
Established Member
I was playing golf one day and a hearse and limos went by... O doffed my hat and had a moment's silence before the next hole....
My golfing partner moved by my thoughtfulness asked if I knew the chap who had died.....
I responded it wasn't a chap but we had been married for 32 years....
Cheers James
Oh I am so going to use that. Just need to wait for the most advantageous moment. It will certainly need at least two witnesses.We were talking, SWMBO and I, about choosing something or other in some posh shop and she wanted one thing and I disagreed and said to her that it should be my choice because she should realise that I have a much better sense of taste than she does. The shop assistant was ready to duck when the reply was "what the hell gives you that impression!" I held up my hand to stop her and I just said that it was totally obvious and I could prove it any day at any time. She said OK then do so!
I just told her that it was obvious and the proof was ------- I chose her, look who she chose
That's one argument won
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Just leav it hanging in the air for a couple of moments. That gives whoever you are talking to time to get ready to duck
I was told by my mum that when I was about 3 or 4 she went into a cafe one hot summer's day with me in tow, to have a cup of tea. While she was drinking it I was playing with my toy car on the floor. I suddenly stood up and said loudly, "hey mum, that woman's got hairy legs just like my daddy!", referring to a lady at the next table. We couldn't leave fast enough.
Boringgeoff
Established Member
In the 50's my parents renovated the kitchen in our farm house, When they uncrated the new wood burning stove they found that the fire box was on the opposite side to what had been ordered. Rather than muck around waiting for a correct replacement they decide a slight amount of adjustment and they'd make it fit. At the same time the neighbours further along the road were also doing a kitchen reno' and found their stove was also back to front. They contacted the agent who explained that the two stoves had probably got sent to the wrong addresses and that we probably had their stove and we should just swap. When the neighbours attempted to do a swap they got narkey that my parents had already installed the stove and weren't prepared to uninstall it.
Move forward a few years to the early 60's Mum and Dad are on holidays and just my uncle and I at home on the farm and the neighbours invited us over for tea, I'm about 12 and we walk into the kitchen and I say "hey your stove's just like ours , except the fire box is on the opposite side". An icy silence ensued and later uncle told me I was quite tactless.
Cheers,
Geoff.
Move forward a few years to the early 60's Mum and Dad are on holidays and just my uncle and I at home on the farm and the neighbours invited us over for tea, I'm about 12 and we walk into the kitchen and I say "hey your stove's just like ours , except the fire box is on the opposite side". An icy silence ensued and later uncle told me I was quite tactless.
Cheers,
Geoff.
My wife and I have been married for 63 years. We were sitting talking the other day day and she said we've not made a bad team. I just said yes but every team had to have a foreman and I just wished I'd have had a chance to be foreman just once. The silence ends in 10 days
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That sounds a bit like
"Open mouth, change feet."
"Open mouth, change feet."
Woodmatt
Established Member
I bought flower once for my wife,she was so pleased she dragged me upstairs,stripped off,laid on the bed,opened her legs and said this is for the flowers.I replied surely we have a vase in the house somewhere.Didnt go down well
