The Lockdown Haircut Blues

[Steve Maskery]

To the tune of every blues song ever written:

I'm self-isolating, babe, I've got the lock-down blues
I'm self-isolating, babe, I've got the lock-down blues
I can't go nowhere and show of my blue suede shoes.

I can't get nuffink, I wanna go and buy some wood
I can't get nuffink, I wanna go and buy some wood
But the timber yards are all closed down and baby that's not good.

I need a haircut badly, I'm looking like a shaggy dog
I need a haircut badly, I'm looking like a shaggy dog
I don't want a parting, don't wanna look like Jacob Rees-Mogg.

So I've bought some clippers, I'm gonna do the job myself
So I've bought some clippers, I'm gonna do the job myself
If it goes all spiky, I'm gonna look just like an elf.

Well I've nearly done it, I hope it's gonna look OK
Well I've nearly done it, I hope it's gonna look OK
But it don't really matter, cos no-one's gonna see me today..........

 

[MikeG.]

My wife cut my hair for the first time ever this week. Not only is the result surprisingly adequate, but she didn't lop the top off any of my ears nor stab me in the eye with the scissors whilst waving them around. I count that as a bonus.

 

[Steve Maskery]

My wife cut my hair for the first time ever this week. Not only is the result surprisingly adequate, but she DID lop the top off any of my ears nor stab me in the eye with the scissors whilst waving them around. I count that as a bonus.

My emphasis. Whatever turns you on, Mike, whatever turns you on.

 

[Racers]

I have been doing my own hair and beard for years.

Pete

 

[MikeG.]

My wife cut my hair for the first time ever this week. Not only is the result surprisingly adequate, but she DID lop the top off any of my ears nor stab me in the eye with the scissors whilst waving them around. I count that as a bonus.

My emphasis. Whatever turns you on, Mike, whatever turns you on.

Oops! Now edited.

 

[novocaine]

Last visit to a hairdresser/barbar was when I was 13 and they charged me 20 quid to shave it all off. Im now 39. Ive cut my own hair ever since, my wife did a barbers course, she does my sons and her fathers, occasionally she does mine, but its very rare.

Thanks for the reminder, this weekend ill trim the barnet aftwr ive done some more building work.

 

[Trainee neophyte]

Ah, yes - hair. I had some once, back in the day.

Happy memories...

Now I just look like a bouncer - saves on all kinds of bother.

 

[Setch]

I cut my wife's hair with the kitchen scissors. Miraculously, she's happy and I'm still alive.

Strange times indeed.

 

[Lons]

Neither my missus or daughter who's staying with us during lockdown is getting anywhere near me with a pair of scissors. :shock:
Now, does anyone know where I can buy a ribbon for this ponytail? Gaffa tape is great stuff but a b*gger to get off again.

 

[Chris152]

I went 20 years+ cutting my own hair - it was long and I was told gathering it all at the top and making a single cut effectively layered the hair. I still don't really know what that means. Last year i chopped it off having one day looked at myself in the mirror and wondered why on earth i still had all that hair. i still cut it myself and it seems to amuse friends after I've cut it, but you do reach a point in life when you really don't care. I think it's a good point to arrive at.

 

[flying haggis]

Neither my missus or daughter who's staying with us during lockdown is getting anywhere near me with a pair of scissors. :shock:
Now, does anyone know where I can buy a ribbon for this ponytail? Gaffa tape is great stuff but a b*gger to get off again.

have you tried a cable tie instead of gaffer tape....

 

[flying haggis]

 

[doctor Bob]

Mines peaky blinders style gone wrong, I like it.

 

[D_W]

My wife cut my hair for the first time ever this week. Not only is the result surprisingly adequate, but she didn't lop the top off any of my ears nor stab me in the eye with the scissors whilst waving them around. I count that as a bonus.

cutting hair is like changing oil in a car. If you've never done it, it seems difficult, but if you know what you're looking at, you wonder why you'd bother to even leave the house to get it done.

I've cut my own for 15 years now (maybe longer). 4 cowlicks means nobody ever seemed to cut it well in the first place, so off it goes with clippers.

My son doesn't want that look, so I cut his taper clipper on the sides and #4 on the top. Since they cut kids' hair cheap here in the states to draw you into the store, they never spend the time to cut his evenly.

 

[Phlebas]

To the tune of every blues song ever written:

I'm self-isolating, babe, I've got the lock-down blues

A man of your age and experience should know that any self respecting blues starts:

Woke up this mornin'...

I refer you to such exponents of the art as the panel of ISIHAC.

 

[doctor Bob]

Been doing mine myself with the beard trimmer, it ended up a bit disasterous. So handed over control to the wife and armed with a set of 240v dog trimmers, a squirty bottle and a (dog) comb, previous hairdressing experience is doing the dogs feet and ears, this is what we ended up with.

I like it.

 

[Steve Maskery]

Very good! I wish mine was as flattering...

Ah, yes, but can you write a song about it, eh? Eh?

 

[flying haggis]

To the tune of every blues song ever written:

I'm self-isolating, babe, I've got the lock-down blues

A man of your age and experience should know that any self respecting blues starts:

Woke up this mornin'...

I refer you to such exponents of the art as the panel of ISIHAC.

"and if you play the song backwards, you get your wife back, your job back, your dog back........."

 

[Lons]

What did you do to upset your wife so much Bob? #-o


Only joking

 

[Steve Maskery]

"and if you play the song backwards, you get your wife back...."

AAAARRRGGHHH!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!