brianhabby
Established Member
Noah's Ark...If it happened today
And the Lord spoke to Noah and said "In six months I'm going to
make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all
the evil people are destroyed.
But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of
living thing on the planet. I am commanding you to build an
Ark." And in a flash of lightning, He delivered the
specifications for an Ark, "Okay," said Noah, trembling with
fear and fumbling with the blueprints.
"Six months and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd
better have the Ark completed, or learn to swim for a very long
time." Six months passed, the skies clouded up and rain began to
fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard,
weeping. And there was no Ark. "Noah!" shouted the Lord, "where
is the Ark?"
"Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But
there were big problems. First, I had to get a building permit
for the Ark construction project, and your plans didn't meet
code. I had to hire an engineer to redraw the plans. Then I got
into a big fight over whether or not the Ark needed a fire
sprinkler system."
"Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning by
building the Ark in my front yard, I had to get a variance from
the city planning commission. Then I had problems getting enough
wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to
save the spotted owl. I had to convince the U.S. Fish and
Wildlife that I needed the wood to save the owls. But they
wouldn't let me catch any owls. So, no owls."
"The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to
negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board
before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now we have
sixteen carpenters going on the boat, and still no owls. Then I
started gathering up animals, and got sued by an animal rights
group. They objected to me taking only two of each kind. Just
when I got the suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I couldn't
complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact
statement on your proposed flood."
"They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no
jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being. Then the Army
Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed new flood plain.
So I sent them a globe. Right now, I'm still trying to resolve a
complaint from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission over
how many Croatians I'm supposed to hire."
"The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to avoid
paying taxes by leaving the country. And I just got a notice
from the state about owing them some kind of use tax. I really
don't think I can finish the Ark for at least another five
years," Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow
arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled, "You mean
you're not going to destroy the earth?" Noah asked hopefully.
"No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has!"
regards
Brian
And the Lord spoke to Noah and said "In six months I'm going to
make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all
the evil people are destroyed.
But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of
living thing on the planet. I am commanding you to build an
Ark." And in a flash of lightning, He delivered the
specifications for an Ark, "Okay," said Noah, trembling with
fear and fumbling with the blueprints.
"Six months and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd
better have the Ark completed, or learn to swim for a very long
time." Six months passed, the skies clouded up and rain began to
fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard,
weeping. And there was no Ark. "Noah!" shouted the Lord, "where
is the Ark?"
"Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But
there were big problems. First, I had to get a building permit
for the Ark construction project, and your plans didn't meet
code. I had to hire an engineer to redraw the plans. Then I got
into a big fight over whether or not the Ark needed a fire
sprinkler system."
"Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning by
building the Ark in my front yard, I had to get a variance from
the city planning commission. Then I had problems getting enough
wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to
save the spotted owl. I had to convince the U.S. Fish and
Wildlife that I needed the wood to save the owls. But they
wouldn't let me catch any owls. So, no owls."
"The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to
negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board
before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now we have
sixteen carpenters going on the boat, and still no owls. Then I
started gathering up animals, and got sued by an animal rights
group. They objected to me taking only two of each kind. Just
when I got the suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I couldn't
complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact
statement on your proposed flood."
"They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no
jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being. Then the Army
Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed new flood plain.
So I sent them a globe. Right now, I'm still trying to resolve a
complaint from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission over
how many Croatians I'm supposed to hire."
"The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to avoid
paying taxes by leaving the country. And I just got a notice
from the state about owing them some kind of use tax. I really
don't think I can finish the Ark for at least another five
years," Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow
arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled, "You mean
you're not going to destroy the earth?" Noah asked hopefully.
"No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has!"
regards
Brian
