Joke thread

[Garno]

A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl On her new shiny bike stopped beside him.

'Nice bike,' the cop said. 'Did Santa bring it to you?'

'Yes Sir,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'

The cop looked the bike over and handed
the girl a £30.00 ticket for a safety violation.

The cop said, 'Give this to your Dad , and next year, have him tell Santa to put
a reflector light on the back of it!'

The young girl was quiet for a few moments, then looked up at the cop and said,
'Nice horse you've got there, Officer. Did Santa bring it to you?'

Playing along with the girl, he chuckled and answered,
'Yes, he sure did!'

The little girl looked up at the cop and said:

'Next year tell Santa;
The **** goes underneath the horse, not on top'!!!

 

[user 38384]

 

[flying haggis]

 

[Cozzer]

Some from my wife this morning

The problem with kleptomaniacs is they take things literally

Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician

When life gives you melons you might be dyslexic

So what if I don’t know what Armageddon means it’s not the end of the world.

I see that the boffins in North Korea have developed a new missile that can evade detection by flying lower and faster than any anti-job on the ground can pick up.

I'm surprised it's taken them so long. It's hardly rocket science, is it?

 

[Thingybob]

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Have I missed something , People are actualy posting jokes in this thread . Good on yer Sam

 

[SamG340]

Have I missed something , People are actualy posting jokes in this thread . Good on yer Sam

Makes a change !

 

[Cordy]

I think my cricket team have Tourette's or something.

Every time the ball goes in the air everyone starts yelling "Cat Sh it!"

 

[gregmcateer]

@dzj That is the funniest pic ive seen for a while

So im going to stick posting funny pics, created by other people and not get into this writing stuff that seems to always go wrong, backfire or upset folk.
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I can't believe you've posted a picture of my cat, that I was just about to post!

 

[Linus]

@dzj That is the funniest pic ive seen for a while

So im going to stick posting funny pics, created by other people and not get into this writing stuff that seems to always go wrong, backfire or upset folk.
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I suspected this may be a Ukranian cat?

 

[Linus]

 

[Keefy.]

Good man. play safe.

No offence intended.

 

[Doug B]

 

[Recky33]

why has this dude got a picture of Jean-Luc Picard on his wall

 

[Robbo3]

Not what was meant by phone carrier!

 

[SamG340]

 

[user 38384]

 

[Just4Fun]

Bowling can be fun but it isn't worth losing your head over.

 

[stuart little]

My mate turned up the other day with two fingers bandaged; "What'd you do?" I asked.
"caught 'em in the belt sander".
I said; "Didn't you know you can buy 'finger' sanders?"

 

[stuart little]

I suspected this may be a Ukranian cat?

Or a Russian Sniper cat?

 

[user 38384]

At the risk of setting off another punctuation war……