Joke thread

[selectortone]

 

[dzj]

 

[Doug B]

 

[bushwhaker]

A man went to confession in St. Patrick's Catholic Church.

'Father', he confessed, 'it has been one month since my last confession. I had *** with Fanny Green twice last month.'

The priest told the sinner, 'You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's.'

Soon thereafter, another man entered the confessional. 'Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I've had *** with Fanny Green twice a week for the past two months.'

This time, the priest questioned, 'Who is this Fanny Green?'

'A new woman in the neighborhood,' the sinner replied.

'Very well,' sighed the priest. Go and say ten Hail Mary's.

At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes.

The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasn't wearing any underwear.

The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, 'Is that Fanny Green?'

The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply, "No Father, I think it's just a reflection from her shoes".

 

[Doug B]

 

[dzj]

 

[Jameshow]

View attachment 122349

??????

 

[Linus]

??????

Did you never tread on Lego bricks in the dark?

 

[Jameshow]

Did you never tread on Lego bricks in the dark?

Is see! Ouch!!

 

[mikej460]

The Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song but the Chick Peas can only humus one..

 

[dzj]

 

[Robbo3]

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, Looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is
broken, His face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
"That little ****, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, He must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, Didn't you have something in your hand?"
That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of Beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

 

[Cordy]

The Squirrel and the Grasshopper by Aesop

THE WORLD VERSION:

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well-fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

THE END

THE BRITISH VERSION:

Removed after complaint from Keith Cocker

 

[Keith Cocker]

The Squirrel and the Grasshopper by Aesop

THE WORLD VERSION:

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well-fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

THE END





THE END

Not funny - in fact very distasteful.

 

[Cabinetman]

Thanks Keith, by clicking on that it enabled me to see what had been censored.
What is distasteful is censorship, and just how true to life that story is in the Uk now

 

[Keith Cocker]

Thanks Keith, by clicking on that it enabled me to see what had been censored.
What is distasteful is censorship, and just how true to life that story is in the Uk now

Thanks for pointing that out. It's gone now.

 

[Phil Pascoe]

In fairness I'll remove that post.

 

[Turnr77]

Personally I find Keith's surname extremely offensive It should be non gender specific, I suggest it's changed to Genitaler

 

[Myfordman]

Lets hope this is not the start of a second round of neutered jokes reduced to the level that could not offend some of the lightweights here or even amuse anyone over the age of 8

 

[MikeK]

Thanks to the mod who removed it for at least saying who complained so we can all avoid offending him in future.
How pathetic.

Cordy's post was not modified by a Moderator, nor would we have modified it. Cordy edited his own post.