Joke thread
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Robbo3
Established Member
Chap rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers. She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in. She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says 'This is for the flowers!'
'Don't be silly,' he says, 'You must have a vase somewhere!'
'Don't be silly,' he says, 'You must have a vase somewhere!'
flying haggis
Established Member
Junah
Established Member
The good news is the suppliers of the prosthetic replacements have them on 3 for the price of 2 at the moment.
And there's me thinking squirrels are smart 
That squirrel smartsAnd there's me thinking squirrels are smart
gregmcateer
Established Member
Robbo3
Established Member
A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get into the 2012 London Olympic games but they haven't got tickets.
The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate.
"McTavish, Scotland ," he says, "Discus" and in he walks.
The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his shoulder.
"Waddington-Smythe, England " he says, "Pole vault" and in he walks.
The Irishman looks around and picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm.
"O'Malley, Ireland " he says, "Fencing."
The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate.
"McTavish, Scotland ," he says, "Discus" and in he walks.
The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his shoulder.
"Waddington-Smythe, England " he says, "Pole vault" and in he walks.
The Irishman looks around and picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm.
"O'Malley, Ireland " he says, "Fencing."
AES
Established Member
Oh HELL Robbo!!!
Doug B
Shy Tot
AES
Established Member
I dunno though - I think BJ's "dress style" (and general turnout) is even more slovenly than Benny Hill. More like old man Steptoe methinks.
Boris is more a model of sartorial incompetence.
Blackswanwood
Still Learning
A British soldier walked into a pub one night and took a seat near the bar. He was warned by others to quickly vacate that seat as it was the favourite of the local Karate champion, Igor.
Like a good Brit soldier, he ignored the warning. In came Igor and landed a blow on the neck of the squaddie knocking him out cold.
“When he comes to” said Igor, “tell him that was a number 83 Reverse Punch”
The following night the squaddie went back to the pub and found Igor already seated in his favourite seat.
The squaddie dealt him a blow, knocking him out cold. “When he comes around”
said the squaddie,
” tell him that was a 1967 Morris Oxford starting handle.”
Like a good Brit soldier, he ignored the warning. In came Igor and landed a blow on the neck of the squaddie knocking him out cold.
“When he comes to” said Igor, “tell him that was a number 83 Reverse Punch”
The following night the squaddie went back to the pub and found Igor already seated in his favourite seat.
The squaddie dealt him a blow, knocking him out cold. “When he comes around”
said the squaddie,
” tell him that was a 1967 Morris Oxford starting handle.”
Jester129
Established Member
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