AES
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Ouch!!!!!!
Joke thread
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Robbo3
Established Member
Reported in the Newcastle Evening Chronicle U.K. :
A lady died this past September, and MBNA bank billed her in October and November for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then in December added late fees and interest on the monthly charge.
The balance that had been £0.00, now is somewhere around £60.00.
A family member placed a call to the MBNA Bank . . . :
Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you that my grandma died in September.'
MBNA: 'But the account was never closed and so the late fees and charges still apply.'
Family Member: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to your collections section.'
MBNA: ‘Since it is two months over due, it already has been.'
Family Member: ‘So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'
MBNA: 'Either report her account to the Frauds Department or report her to The Credit bureau, maybe both!'
Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'
MBNA: 'Excuse me?'
Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you . . The part about her being dead?'
MBNA: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'
Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died in September.'
MBNA: 'But the account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'
Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'
MBNA: (Stammer) 'Are you her solicitor?'
Family Member: 'No, I'm her grandson'
MBNA: 'Could you fax us a death certificate?'
Family Member: 'Sure.' ( fax number is given )
After they get the fax:
MBNA: 'Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'
Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care.'
MBNA: 'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.'
Family Member: ‘Would you like her new billing address?'
MBNA: 'That would help.'
Family Member: ' Plot 1049.' Heaton Cemetary, Heaton Road , Newcastle upon Tyne
MBNA: 'But, that's a cemetery!'
Family Member: 'Well, what do you do with dead people on your planet?'
A lady died this past September, and MBNA bank billed her in October and November for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then in December added late fees and interest on the monthly charge.
The balance that had been £0.00, now is somewhere around £60.00.
A family member placed a call to the MBNA Bank . . . :
Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you that my grandma died in September.'
MBNA: 'But the account was never closed and so the late fees and charges still apply.'
Family Member: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to your collections section.'
MBNA: ‘Since it is two months over due, it already has been.'
Family Member: ‘So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'
MBNA: 'Either report her account to the Frauds Department or report her to The Credit bureau, maybe both!'
Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'
MBNA: 'Excuse me?'
Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you . . The part about her being dead?'
MBNA: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'
Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died in September.'
MBNA: 'But the account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'
Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'
MBNA: (Stammer) 'Are you her solicitor?'
Family Member: 'No, I'm her grandson'
MBNA: 'Could you fax us a death certificate?'
Family Member: 'Sure.' ( fax number is given )
After they get the fax:
MBNA: 'Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'
Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care.'
MBNA: 'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.'
Family Member: ‘Would you like her new billing address?'
MBNA: 'That would help.'
Family Member: ' Plot 1049.' Heaton Cemetary, Heaton Road , Newcastle upon Tyne
MBNA: 'But, that's a cemetery!'
Family Member: 'Well, what do you do with dead people on your planet?'
'Ed Wood
Sachakins
The most wasted of days is one without woodwork
Betty Swollocks
Er...Richard?
Phil Pascoe
Established Member
Buster *****.
sploo
Somewhat extinguished member
Feline horny?
Caterwang?
Authoritarian Diktcat?
Caterwang?
Authoritarian Diktcat?
Robbo3
Established Member
A Jewish man married a Chinese woman. Their marriage was doing so well that they decided to have a baby. The husband wanted the baby to have a name that epitomized "Jewish people of today." His wife wanted the baby to have a meaningful Chinese name.
After much thought they chose to combine two very meaningful names into one for their special boy. They named him Cha-Ching
After much thought they chose to combine two very meaningful names into one for their special boy. They named him Cha-Ching
Suffolk Brian
Established Member
Cooking fat?
Rustic Mike
Established Member
He must be nuts
Rustic Mike
Established Member
Percy or Dickie
MorrisWoodman12
Established Member
A lady is at the hairdressers, the stylist is one of those people who always likes to put people and the things they do down, but it was the only appointment available. The following conversation ensues.
Stylist: So are you having your hair done for a special occasion.
Customer: Yes we're off on holiday on Friday, we're going to Rome for our Anniversary.
S: Oh you don't want to go there, we went 2 years ago, it's an awful smelly, dirty city, full of uncouth locals. Who are you flying with?
C: We're flying with BA.
S: You'll regret it, we flew with them last year, seats were too close together, cabin staff were rude, food was awful and I would never fly with them again. Where are you staying?
C: The Hotel Bella Vista.
S: OMG that's where we stayed, the room was tiny, the bed was uncomfortable and the food was terrible, you'll regret staying there. What are your plans there?
C: Well one of the things we are most looking forward to is going to Vatican City to see the Pope addressing the people in St. Peters' Square.
S: You'll be wasting your time, we went, it was absolutely packed you'll get nowhere near him, hardly hear a word he says and be pressed against people on all sides, then struggle to get out through the crowds afterwards.
The customer is now totally peed off so doesn't engage in further conversation pays and leaves.
A month or so after her holiday she makes another appointment and books with the same stylist, just as she has finished the stylist remembers her from before.
S: Oh you were going to Rome weren't you, I told you how bad it was, I bet you regret it now.
C: On the contrary we had a wonderful time.
S: Humph, well I bet the flight was appalling!
C: No it was fantastic, the check in staff member was lovely, she asked if we were going for a special occasion and had we had been to Rome before, we said it was for our anniversary and when we said we hadn't been before she recommended some places to visit and some good restaurants. Then asked us to wait a minute and went and spoke to her manager. When she came back she upgraded us to first class. Lots of legroom, really wide comfortable seats, great food on proper china, free champagne, it was superb and was a great start to our holiday.
S: Well, what about that terrible Hotel?
C: It was absolutely great, the BA check in lady had asked where we were staying, we didn't think anything of it. But when we arrived she had called the Hotel and told them it was our anniversary. They upgraded our double room to a Penthouse suite with a roof terrace looking across Rome. Breakfast was served every day on the terrace, the staff couldn't do more for us and the food in the restaurant was sublime. And before you ask we didn't find Rome dirty and smelly at all, it was a lovely City with some of the friendliest people I've met .
S: I know you must have had a terrible time in Vatican City trying to see the Pope!
C: Not at all, we made sure we weren't too late getting there so we weren't too far back, everyone was quiet and respectful and were there to listen to The Pope like us.
S: You may have heard him but you still couldn't have really seen him up there on his balcony.
C: Actually as the sermon ended a gentleman in a suit with an earpiece in his ear approached us and said that after every sermon The Pope likes to meet a small number of people who have come to hear him and he was one of the staff sent to select those people, would we like a private audience with The Pope? Of course we said yes and went with him.
S: What? You didn't
C: Yes we did, we along with just 4 other couples were taken into The Vatican and seated in a large room then after a few minutes The Pope came in blessed us and spoke to us each in turn.
S: That's amazing what did he say?
C: Well he looked at me and said "who the f**k did your hair.
With that she got up and left
Stylist: So are you having your hair done for a special occasion.
Customer: Yes we're off on holiday on Friday, we're going to Rome for our Anniversary.
S: Oh you don't want to go there, we went 2 years ago, it's an awful smelly, dirty city, full of uncouth locals. Who are you flying with?
C: We're flying with BA.
S: You'll regret it, we flew with them last year, seats were too close together, cabin staff were rude, food was awful and I would never fly with them again. Where are you staying?
C: The Hotel Bella Vista.
S: OMG that's where we stayed, the room was tiny, the bed was uncomfortable and the food was terrible, you'll regret staying there. What are your plans there?
C: Well one of the things we are most looking forward to is going to Vatican City to see the Pope addressing the people in St. Peters' Square.
S: You'll be wasting your time, we went, it was absolutely packed you'll get nowhere near him, hardly hear a word he says and be pressed against people on all sides, then struggle to get out through the crowds afterwards.
The customer is now totally peed off so doesn't engage in further conversation pays and leaves.
A month or so after her holiday she makes another appointment and books with the same stylist, just as she has finished the stylist remembers her from before.
S: Oh you were going to Rome weren't you, I told you how bad it was, I bet you regret it now.
C: On the contrary we had a wonderful time.
S: Humph, well I bet the flight was appalling!
C: No it was fantastic, the check in staff member was lovely, she asked if we were going for a special occasion and had we had been to Rome before, we said it was for our anniversary and when we said we hadn't been before she recommended some places to visit and some good restaurants. Then asked us to wait a minute and went and spoke to her manager. When she came back she upgraded us to first class. Lots of legroom, really wide comfortable seats, great food on proper china, free champagne, it was superb and was a great start to our holiday.
S: Well, what about that terrible Hotel?
C: It was absolutely great, the BA check in lady had asked where we were staying, we didn't think anything of it. But when we arrived she had called the Hotel and told them it was our anniversary. They upgraded our double room to a Penthouse suite with a roof terrace looking across Rome. Breakfast was served every day on the terrace, the staff couldn't do more for us and the food in the restaurant was sublime. And before you ask we didn't find Rome dirty and smelly at all, it was a lovely City with some of the friendliest people I've met .
S: I know you must have had a terrible time in Vatican City trying to see the Pope!
C: Not at all, we made sure we weren't too late getting there so we weren't too far back, everyone was quiet and respectful and were there to listen to The Pope like us.
S: You may have heard him but you still couldn't have really seen him up there on his balcony.
C: Actually as the sermon ended a gentleman in a suit with an earpiece in his ear approached us and said that after every sermon The Pope likes to meet a small number of people who have come to hear him and he was one of the staff sent to select those people, would we like a private audience with The Pope? Of course we said yes and went with him.
S: What? You didn't
C: Yes we did, we along with just 4 other couples were taken into The Vatican and seated in a large room then after a few minutes The Pope came in blessed us and spoke to us each in turn.
S: That's amazing what did he say?
C: Well he looked at me and said "who the f**k did your hair.
With that she got up and left
Cozzer
Established Member
Brilliant!
This is not a joke its all too common when computer says no the opperator can not use common sence
Cocky the Kat
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