Joke thread
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Doug B
Shy Tot
Phil Pascoe
Established Member
The old ones are the best. 
Doug B
Shy Tot
Camera angle is everything 
bushwhaker
Established Member
A man owned a small ranch near Great Falls, Montana. The Montana Labour Department got a tip that he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an investigator out to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the investigator.
"Well," replied the rancher, "there's my ranch hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1200 a week plus free room and board."
"The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $1000 per week plus free room and board."
"Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day, with no days off, and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week and pays his own room and board."
"But, I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night, and he also sleeps with my wife occasionally."
"That's the guy I want to talk to... the half-wit," says the investigator.
"You're talking to him," replied the rancher.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the investigator.
"Well," replied the rancher, "there's my ranch hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1200 a week plus free room and board."
"The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $1000 per week plus free room and board."
"Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day, with no days off, and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week and pays his own room and board."
"But, I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night, and he also sleeps with my wife occasionally."
"That's the guy I want to talk to... the half-wit," says the investigator.
"You're talking to him," replied the rancher.
Deaf jokes?
I haven't heard many of those
I'm deaf daft and bloody idle....according to the wife
Doug B
Shy Tot
Your lucky the list is that short
Pineapple
Established Member
But the young ones look better !The old ones are the best.
Doug B
Shy Tot
Doug B
Shy Tot
Blackswanwood
Still Learning
At Friday night services, Morris went to his friend Irving and said,
"Irving, I need a favour - I'm sleeping with the rabbi's wife.
Can you hold him in temple for an hour after services for me?"
Irving was not very fond of the idea, but being Morris' lifelong friend, he reluctantly agreed.
After services, he struck up a conversation with the rabbi asking him all sorts of stupid questions in an effort to keep him occupied.
After some time, the wise rabbi became suspicious and asked,
" Irving what are you really up to with all this?"
Irving , filled with feelings of guilt and remorse, confessed to the rabbi
"I'm sorry Rabbi, my friend Morris is sleeping with your wife right now and asked me to keep you occupied."
The rabbi smiled and, putting a brotherly hand on Irving 's shoulder, said
" Irving I think you'd better hurry home, my wife died two years ago.
"Irving, I need a favour - I'm sleeping with the rabbi's wife.
Can you hold him in temple for an hour after services for me?"
Irving was not very fond of the idea, but being Morris' lifelong friend, he reluctantly agreed.
After services, he struck up a conversation with the rabbi asking him all sorts of stupid questions in an effort to keep him occupied.
After some time, the wise rabbi became suspicious and asked,
" Irving what are you really up to with all this?"
Irving , filled with feelings of guilt and remorse, confessed to the rabbi
"I'm sorry Rabbi, my friend Morris is sleeping with your wife right now and asked me to keep you occupied."
The rabbi smiled and, putting a brotherly hand on Irving 's shoulder, said
" Irving I think you'd better hurry home, my wife died two years ago.
A Irish consortium has worked out a new space mission
The team contact SpaceX and speak to Elon Musk
OK , What is you mission asks Elon
We want to be the first country to land on the Sun
Elon looks very confused and states " You do know if you get 1 million miles from the sun you will burn up"
No No Elon comes the reply , We have worked that out , We are going at night .
The team contact SpaceX and speak to Elon Musk
OK , What is you mission asks Elon
We want to be the first country to land on the Sun
Elon looks very confused and states " You do know if you get 1 million miles from the sun you will burn up"
No No Elon comes the reply , We have worked that out , We are going at night .
selectortone
Still waking up not dead in the morning
Doug B
Shy Tot
Doug B
Shy Tot
flying haggis
Established Member
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