AES
Established Member
I have to admit that "oldie" or not, I still got a silly giggle out of that one. Thanks.
Joke Thread III
- Thread starter Sachakins
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I have to admit that "oldie" or not, I still got a silly giggle out of that one. Thanks.
ajs
Established Member
Doug B
Shy Tot
Blackswanwood
Still Learning
Robbo3
Established Member
Find the cat
Find the baby
Find the baby
Can we haz prizez ?
Doug B
Shy Tot
One should never jump to the wrong conclusion.
Bloke walks into the Doctors who asks him what the problem is.
" Eveytime I take a step I break wind. Its becoming very embarrassing"
Ok, says the doctor.
Stand up and take a step to the right.
As the bloke steps right he farts.
Now take a step to your left.
Again a loud fart.
Take a step backwards and then forward.
Fart. Fart.
Ok
Now
Run round the room.
Fart, fart fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, .....
The doctor stands up and leaves the room returning with a long pole with a brass hook on the end.
The bloke looks at the doctor with a worried expression, thinking the worst outcome possible.
Doctor what are you going to do with that? he exclaims.
To which the doctor replies.
Open a window. It stinks in here.
Bloke walks into the Doctors who asks him what the problem is.
" Eveytime I take a step I break wind. Its becoming very embarrassing"
Ok, says the doctor.
Stand up and take a step to the right.
As the bloke steps right he farts.
Now take a step to your left.
Again a loud fart.
Take a step backwards and then forward.
Fart. Fart.
Ok
Now
Run round the room.
Fart, fart fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, .....
The doctor stands up and leaves the room returning with a long pole with a brass hook on the end.
The bloke looks at the doctor with a worried expression, thinking the worst outcome possible.
Doctor what are you going to do with that? he exclaims.
To which the doctor replies.
Open a window. It stinks in here.
"Do you like Tolstoy?", I asked Diane Abbott. "Of course”, she said “Who doesn't?"
"What's your favourite Tolstoy book?", I asked.
"The one where Thomas the Tank runs out of water and Fat Controller saves him" she replied
"What's your favourite Tolstoy book?", I asked.
"The one where Thomas the Tank runs out of water and Fat Controller saves him" she replied
Pineapple
Established Member
Telling & listening to "dirty" jokes; is a form of aural *** !
woodhutt
Established Member
A bloke falls overboard from a cruise ship and finds himself swept up on a desert island.
He's there alone for two years until one day, while sitting on the beach, a very shapely woman wearing a wet suit emerges from the waves (think Ursula Andress in Dr No) and makes her way towards him.
She kneels down in front of him and asks him how long he's been stranded there alone and he tells her it's been two years. 'Dear oh dear,' she says, 'and I bet in all that time you've not had a cigarette.' He admits he hasn't and that he's seriously thinking of giving them up.
She slowly begins to unzip one of the breast pockets of her wet suit, pulls out a packet of cigarettes, lights one and places it between his lips.
'And how long is it since you had a drink?' she asks. Again he tells her two years and she slowly unzips the other breast pocket and takes out a miniature cognac, cracks open the top and hands it to him.
Then she slowly begins to unzip the wet suit in order to peel it off and says with a smile. 'And how long is it since you played around?'
'Crikey!' says the bloke. 'You haven't got a set of golf clubs in there as well!'
He's there alone for two years until one day, while sitting on the beach, a very shapely woman wearing a wet suit emerges from the waves (think Ursula Andress in Dr No) and makes her way towards him.
She kneels down in front of him and asks him how long he's been stranded there alone and he tells her it's been two years. 'Dear oh dear,' she says, 'and I bet in all that time you've not had a cigarette.' He admits he hasn't and that he's seriously thinking of giving them up.
She slowly begins to unzip one of the breast pockets of her wet suit, pulls out a packet of cigarettes, lights one and places it between his lips.
'And how long is it since you had a drink?' she asks. Again he tells her two years and she slowly unzips the other breast pocket and takes out a miniature cognac, cracks open the top and hands it to him.
Then she slowly begins to unzip the wet suit in order to peel it off and says with a smile. 'And how long is it since you played around?'
'Crikey!' says the bloke. 'You haven't got a set of golf clubs in there as well!'
Cozzer
Established Member
I submitted a joke on here a while ago, the punchline being "And if you think you're putting that in my ear you've another think coming!"
It didn't get past the forum censor....
bushwhaker
Established Member
woodhutt
Established Member
Did you hear about the newly weds who didn't know the difference between Vaseline and putty?
All their windows fell out.
All their windows fell out.
DrPhill
Cyber Heretic
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I used to believe that size wasn't important - until my wallpaper fell off.
A boy came home from school and said, dad, what’s the difference between theory and reality.
His dad said, go and ask your mother if she’d sleep with the plumber for a million pounds.
He came back and said, yes she would.
Dad said, now go and ask your sister if she would.
The boy came back and said, yes she would too.
His dad said, there you are, you’ve got your answer. In theory we’re sat on two million pounds. In reality we’re living with two slappers.
His dad said, go and ask your mother if she’d sleep with the plumber for a million pounds.
He came back and said, yes she would.
Dad said, now go and ask your sister if she would.
The boy came back and said, yes she would too.
His dad said, there you are, you’ve got your answer. In theory we’re sat on two million pounds. In reality we’re living with two slappers.
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