Joke Thread III

[Ozi]

How can she be "largely forgotten", yet "always remembered" at the same time ?

It's a skill

 

[Amateur]

 

[Amateur]

For the same reason that someone can use the wrong adjective to describe something.

The adjective, analytical, and the related verb analyze can both be traced back to the Greek verb, analyein — "to break up, to loosen." If you are analytical, you are good at taking a problem or task and breaking it down into smaller elements in order to solve the problem or complete the task. The opposite type of problem-solving is called the intuitive approach in which a person senses the correct action to take without proof or reasoning. Analytic can be substituted for analytical in this sense.

Im afraid you didn't answer the question.
My MP does that all the time

 

[Jameshow]

I went around to visit my neighbour. His wife answered the door. I asked if her husband is in. She replied saying he was in the garden.

I went into the garden but couldn't see him. I asked his wife again. I told I looked in the garden and couldn't see him. She said I obviously didn't dig deep enough....!

 

[woodhutt]

My wife came home drunk last night after an evening out with the girls.
She knocked over the gatepost and crushed the flower beds before crashing into the front of the house.
Thank God she wasn't driving a car!

 

[woodhutt]

An old soak staggers in to a hardware store and asks for a bottle of meths.
'I'm not selling you meths,' says the assistant. 'You'll be straight over to the park drinking it with your mates!'
'No, no,' the old drunk protests. 'I've got myself a job as a painter and decorator and I need it to clean my gear.'
The assistant isn't entirely convinced but thinks that maybe the old feller is trying to get himself straight and decides to trust him. He puts a bottle of meths on the counter.
The old dipso picks it up and says, 'Haven't you got a cold one?'

(Stuart Explainer: You see, Stuart, down here we drink our beer cold and not room temperature like you blokes. Hope this helps.)

Pete

 

[Yorkieguy]

Way back in the 1960s & ‘70s, in more settled times, long before ‘social media’ (snapchat, Instagram, tik tok etc) children knew that they were boys and girls not just 'small adults' and had something known as a ‘childhood’. They were well catered for on TV. For the little ones there was Chigley, Camberwick Green, Mr Ben, Clangers’ the Herbs, and ‘Watch with Mother’ (couldn’t have that now, when some kids have two dads and others have child-minders, so the term 'mother' wouldn't be 'inclusive' and might cause offence) . For older children there was ‘Newsround’ and 'Blue Peter'.

Those of you who were children back then will no doubt have been watching Blue Peter in 1972. Through today’s eyes, it looks quite surreal, but this is what passed for entertainment back then:


It's anyone's guess why she's dressed like she did, but I have to admit that she's got the knack when it comes to whistling! She'd be on Tik Tok now, with a world wide audience.

 

[J-G]

Way back in the 1960s & ‘70s

The mention of 'In a Monastery Garden' brought memories of Ronnie Ronalde who was whistling (and singing) in the late 30's - 40's through 'til the turn of the century.

 

[flh801978]

as someone who never got the hang of whilstling...what is she doing with her fingers?

 

[J-G]

as someone who never got the hang of whilstling...what is she doing with her fingers?

Modifying the air-flow to change the pitch - though there's a lot more going on in the mouth caverty which also has an impact upon that.

 

[Serendipity Gunge]

The mention of 'In a Monestery Garden' brought memories of Ronnie Ronalde who was whistling (and singing) in the late 30's - 40's through 'til the turn of the century.

My nickname for my grand-daughter is "Ronnie", after Ronnie Ronalde. She was very persistent when learning to whistle!

 

[Mick p]

Way back in the 1960s & ‘70s, in more settled times, long before ‘social media’ (snapchat, Instagram, tik tok etc) children knew that they were boys and girls not just 'small adults' and had something known as a ‘childhood’. They were well catered for on TV. For the little ones there was Chigley, Camberwick Green, Mr Ben, Clangers’ the Herbs, and ‘Watch with Mother’ (couldn’t have that now, when some kids have two dads and others have child-minders, so the term 'mother' wouldn't be 'inclusive' and might cause offence) . For older children there was ‘Newsround’ and 'Blue Peter'.

Those of you who were children back then will no doubt have been watching Blue Peter in 1972. Through today’s eyes, it looks quite surreal, but this is what passed for entertainment back then:


It's anyone's guess why she's dressed like she did, but I have to admit that she's got the knack when it comes to whistling! She'd be on Tik Tok now, with a world wide audience.

I wonder why she was wearing a football kit di she have a game straight after.my mum always said girls shouldn’t whistle it’s common.

 

[stuart little]

The mention of 'In a Monastery Garden' brought memories of Ronnie Ronalde who was whistling (and singing) in the late 30's - 40's through 'til the turn of the century.

I remember seeing Ronnie on stage in Gt. Yarmouth circa. 1957 (give or take a year or two)

 

[J-G]

I wonder why she was wearing a football kit di she have a game straight after.my mum always said girls shouldn’t whistle it’s common.

My father oft said "A whistling woman and a crowing hen, are of no use to God nor men"

 

[woodhutt]

A bloke walks into a pub wearing nothing but a hospital gown. He orders a double scotch and gulps it down. Then he orders two more and swallows them. He says to the barman, 'You know, I shouldn't be drinking these with what I've got.'
The barman says, 'What have you got?'
The bloke says,' Fifty pence.'

 

[woodhutt]

Two kids, one aged about eight and the other five, walk into a pharmacy. The older one asks for a packet of tampons. 'Now why on earth would you want a packet of them?' asks the pharmacist.
'Oh, they're not for me,' says the older boy. ' They're for him. He saw an ad on the telly that says if you use them you can swim, ride a bike and play tennis and he can't do any of those things yet.'

 

[Cozzer]

A bloke knocked on my door and asked if I wanted a window cleaner.
I said "Yes, but I'd really like them all cleaner...."






Right, Stu... Y'see, it's sort of a play on words. It's all down to ...
Anyway, while you're working on it, here's another....

Someone stopped me in the street and asked me why I was carrying a 9ft book under my arm.
I replied “Well, it’s a long story“

 

[Pineapple]

My father oft said "A whistling woman and a crowing hen, are of no use to God nor men"

My Father said "A whistling woman & a cackling hen, brings the devil out of his den !"

 

[Stan]

I remember seeing that on our very small TV screen with the magnifying glass frame in front of it the TV set was about the size of a bookcase, in our scullery, just by the back door to the outside loo past the mangle, that brought back a lot of memories.

I remember those days.... when the village bobby used to get around on a bicycle, and the village doctor would call at your house the day you were ill, instead of just phoning half a week later.

 

[artie]

it's sort of a play on words.

I had to think about this one, first time I heard it.

You can't change the people around you, but you can change the people around you.