Joke Thread III

[stuart little]

If Benny and Bjorn had been called Sid and Dave we'd have had ASDA years earlier.

Now THAT is a joke!

 

[stuart little]

there are 30 cows in a field................

Anyone translate? I wasted 1:02 - that was enough!!!

 

[dzj]

 

[stuart little]

View attachment 155807

No, I didn't.

 

[Cozzer]

TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH!

Introducing the new Bio-Optic Organized Knowledge device – BOOK

BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in technology; no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected, or switched on. It’s easy to use. Even a child can operate it.

Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere – even sitting in an armchair by the fire – yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM.

BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. The pages are locked together with one of two different custom devices, a BINDER or DOUBLE STICH BINDING, which keep the sheets in their correct sequence. Opaque Paper Technology (OPT) allows manufacturers to use both sides of the sheet, doubling the information density.

Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information directly to your brain. A flick of the finger takes you to the next sheet.

BOOK never crashes nor requires rebooting. The “browse” function allows instant movement to any sheet, forward or backward, as one wishes. Many come with an “index” feature, which pinpoints the exact location of any selected information for instant retrieval.

An optional ‘BOOKmark’ accessory allows you to open BOOK at the exact place you left it in the previous session – even if the BOOK has been closed. BOOKmarks fit universal design standards, thus, a single BOOKmark can be used in BOOKs of various manufacturers.

You can also make personal notes next to BOOK text entries with an optional programming tool - the: Portable Erasable Nib Cryptic Intercommunication Language Stylus. (‘PENCILS’) ll that.

Portable, durable, and affordable, BOOK is being hailed as a precursor of a new entertainment wave. BOOK’s appeal seems so certain that thousands of content creators have committed to the platform and investors are reportedly flocking to the medium. Look for a flood of new titles soon.

All that work, and then spell 'stitch' wrong!

 

[dzj]

 

[Yojevol]

All that work, and then spell 'stitch' wrong!

But that's the big advantage over BOOK. Unlike the old systems it not prone crashes caused by minor bugs. The system is, however, susceptible to BOOKWORM. Too many of these can limit the useful life of a BOOK.
Some enterprising local authorities are developing Literature Independent Browsing Repository And Yearbooks which are akin to RAM or CLOUD. In these one will be able to book a BOOK online, although, in these straightened times, a BOOKING fee will be demanded. The booked BOOK will be collectable in person from the LIBRARY after booking a Booked BOOK Collection (BBC) slot. Due to COVID restrictions it will be necessary to book-in on arrival using a LIBRARY card as proof of identity.
After all that I need to book a holiday.

Brian
@Yorkieguy

 

[Cozzer]

Right, Mr.Little... is it time for an oldie but goodie?

"Waiter! Waiter! What's your recommendation for today, please?"
"Well, sir, I hear that the Chicken Tarka has been very popular..."
"Chicken Tarka? You mean Chicken Tikka, surely?"
"No, sir. Chicken Tarka. It's like Chicken Tikka, but a little 'otter...."

 

[Sachakins]

All that work, and then spell 'stitch' wrong!

Thats the problem with Bio Optic Organised Knowledge Systems, one error proliferates through the entire system, to be forever repeated..

 

[Blackswanwood]

 

[Sachakins]

That's funny, we just got a Spanish Turkey today from CATalan......

 

[Jameshow]

 

[Thingybob]

View attachment 155873

Not funny

 

[Jameshow]

Not funny

For some it is and a little humour gets one through difficult days.

 

[woodhutt]

For some it is and a little humour gets one through difficult days.

I had a complete 'Stuart' with that one I'm afraid.

 

[Cozzer]

I had a complete 'Stuart' with that one I'm afraid.

Agreed.
Things must be really bad in Bradford.

 

[Daniel2]

For some it is and a little humour gets one through difficult days.

It may cut a bit close to the bone for some people on here.
Thinking of those suffering through separation or bereavement for example.

 

[Blackswanwood]

 

[Jameshow]

It may cut a bit close to the bone for some people on here.
Thinking of those suffering through separation or bereavement for example.

Sorry if it offended anyone, but for those suffering from domestic violence or a dead marriage you can see the humour of it. Not everyone has a rosey marriage...

 

[selectortone]

Sorry if it offended anyone, but for those suffering from domestic violence or a dead marriage you can see the humour of it. Not everyone has a rosey marriage...

We have a saying down here in Dorset: "What a life without a wife, and what a b*stard with one". Pretty much sums it up.

I lost my wife 18 years ago to cancer and I still think about her every day.

Sorry - now back to the jokes.