Jameshow
Established Member
Yougov?!
Joke Thread III
- Thread starter Sachakins
- Start date
Help Support UKworkshop.co.uk:
- Status
flying haggis
Established Member
Doug B
Shy Tot
My attempt at Dry January last year actually lasted until July - it felt like months......
Jester129
Established Member
And this one is for Stuart Little:
Phill05
Established Member
" And this one is for Stuart Little:" Grandma' had a refit, a nice kitchen.
Sachakins
The most wasted of days is one without woodwork
Yep, nice racks!
It's a coffee machine advert you can just see it in the background
Phill05
Established Member
Yes but your eye's are drawn to those two uperware vessels on top of it.
Doug B
Shy Tot
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!"
artie
Sawdust manufacturer.
A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change.
On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands.
She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives!
She approached one of the women for an explanation: "What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles?"
"Land mines," replied the Kuwaiti woman.
On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands.
She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives!
She approached one of the women for an explanation: "What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles?"
"Land mines," replied the Kuwaiti woman.
Doug B
Shy Tot
flying haggis
Established Member
Jameshow
Established Member
My mum decided that the best way to deal with a 4yo temper tantrum was to leave her on the wall she refused to budge from, 500m from the school gate!
Unbelievable!!!
The_Yellow_Ardvark
Established Member
Tris
What am I doing here?
Up there with that other classic: 'If you don't stop snivelling I'll give you something to really cry about'
- Status
