Joke Thread II

[Phil Pascoe]

He might have done. Unless you were with him every waking minute of his life, it's hard to be certain.

Merely a bit of humour. We all know what he is supposed to have said.

 

[John Brown]

Merely a bit of humour.

Likewise.

 

[Blackswanwood]

 

[gwaithcoed]

Doctor to patient And how can I help you today

Patient I've come about my hereditary diarrhoea

Doctor But diarrhoea isn't hereditary

Patient Well it's in my jeans

 

[John Brown]

Doctor to patient And how can I help you today

Patient I've come about my hereditary diarrhoea

Doctor But diarrhoea isn't hereditary

Patient Well it's in my jeans

It runs in my family.

 

[Jameshow]

Patient goes to drs.

I have terrible diarrhoea, oh dear how long have you had it?

Since I removed my cycling clips the patient replied!

 

[John Brown]

It's like déjà vu, all over again...

 

[Tris]

Deja poo?




I'll get my coat....

 

[mikej460]

For today's young car owners who think they are more intelligent than new car owners 50 years ago. 50 years ago the owners manual showed you how to adjust the valves in your car engine, whereas now it warns you not to drink the battery acid....

 

[flying haggis]

thought i would put this in the joke section. I found it on my local facebook marketplace site £60

 

[dzj]

 

[flying haggis]

dont we already?? oh sorry wrong forum............

 

[Sachakins]

dont we already?? oh sorry wrong forum............

Ah, but do you really know how our members dress behind their keyboards

 

[Thingybob]

The story tells us that an elderly couple have run up a hefty bill watching pay per view ****agraphic films. A claim which they clearly vehemently deny and intend to refute.

The bottom picture focusses on the husbands face, the insinuation here is open to interpretation as it isn't explained in the text but it allows the viewer to draw the hilarious conclusion that he has a guilty expression, perhaps he really did subscribe to those mucky movies and daren't tell his wife, unfortunately for him she has taken it to the press and now he finds himself in a sticky stiuation.

Hilarious ? That's like having a Joke Thread 3 by request only , sorry deffo not hilarious

 

[user 38384]

 

[Jameshow]

Or a series of tension headaches, punctuated by major crisis and a litany of misplaced decisions!

 

[Dibs-h]

the owners manual showed you how to adjust the valves in your car engine

Taking me back some years is that. MK1 Golf IIRC. Along with points and a dwell meter.

 

[Robbo3]

Just the right moment 13,14,15.

 

[Alex H]

(For those who insist on explanation, I'll give you a clue - II should have posted it a couple of days ago )

 

[nickds1]

View attachment 150294

(For those who insist on explanation, I'll give you a clue - II should have posted it a couple of days ago )

Just for explanation (Stuart etc )... This is a real bar in Laax, Switzerland - Laax is a mountain ski resort (I used to have an office there). The local language is Romansh (a type of Latin) and the Romansh word for "mountain" is... "Cr*p", hence the bar name...

Edit: the forum software displays the word c r a p as "rubbish", so I had to put in the "*"... Also, being pedantic, the literal translation of "cr*p" to English is "stone", but locals use the same word for "mountain" - there are several dialects of Romansh. The main mountain for Laax/Flims/Falera is called Cr*p Sogn Gion