Joke Thread II

[flying haggis]

No, he's a Scouser....

 

[JimJay]

The joke only works (as a joke) if you've worked in an office environment in which you can claim expenses for small items bought in connection with your job, such as those names of items used for burgers. It's said that 'there's no such thing as a free lunch', but there is if you can buy a burger and call it a 'mini whiteboard' and put an expense claim in for it. In some outfits, such stunts are fairly widespread and considered fair game. Some would say that it's 'biting the hand that feeds you'. (It's not something I'd countenance of engage in. It might sound haughty, but the price of my hour is rather higher than the price of a burger).

I spent my career in what is now a privatised industry, hidebound with red tape. As a middle manager back in the 70s when calculators had been quite expensive, they were treated as 'capital' not 'revenue', so a 'Capital Expenditure' business case had to be submitted and would have been declined. That remained the case when prices of calculators plummeted. If I needed to buy ten calculators for office personnel, I'd get a receipt for a ton of sand (a revenue item) and submit that instead of the receipt for the calculators, which would have bounced. It kept everyone happy.

Not dishonest - just 'creative accounting' to keep the wheels of industry turning.

I can see why the 'joke' is unfunny to anyone who hasn't worked in that sort of environment.

Not everything is funny to everyone. Thousands think that Michael Mcintyre is hilarious - I think he's a self-obsessed, strutting, preening peacock, so I don't watch him.

As an erstwhile self-employed person, I easily recognise the point of that "joke"...

 

[Doug B]

 

[Rene Mopper]

 

[The_Yellow_Ardvark]

 

[dzj]

 

[flying haggis]

A blonde gets a job as a teacher.

She notices a boy in the playing field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun.

She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.

'You ok?' she says.

'Yes.' he says.

'You can go and play with the other kids you know.' she says.

'It's best I stay here.' he says.

'Why?' says the blonde.




The boy says: 'Because I'm the ******* goalkeeper!'

 

[user 38384]

 

[flying haggis]

 

[Pedronicus]

 

[stuart little]

View attachment 146288

They get their kids writing letters & stuffing them(the letters not the kids) in your letter box - the cheeky swine!

 

[AES]

They get their kids writing letters & stuffing them(the letters not the kids) in your letter box - the cheeky swine!

I am now guilty of drifting the Joke thread WELL off line:

My brother was (note the was) a JW, as was the lady he married, and their subsequent 3 kids. Unfortunately my brother and his wife divorced, the wife and 2 of the 3 kids remaining in the "church". Those 2 kids are FORBIDDEN to see/have any contact with their father, as per the dictates of the "church" and the ex-wife. The third kid is also, by the "church" decree, also cut off from the "church" and his mother and siblings.

The JWs are NOT a "church" and should all be lined up against a wall and - well, whatever punishment thought appropriate for deliberate "family breakers". My opinions.

I had some VERY straight words to say to a pair of 'em who came knocking on my door one day a few years back. Must have worked, had no such visits since.

OK, sorry folks, rant over, back to jokes as per thread title.

 

[graduate_owner]

That was one good thing about covid - no JW visits.

K

 

[PhilTilson]

View attachment 146364

Shame on you! This is Tesla's roadside assistance vehicle CHARGING UP AT THE RECHARGING STATION!

 

[Jameshow]

Shame on you! This is Tesla's roadside assistance vehicle CHARGING UP AT THE RECHARGING STATION!

You sure looks like a petrol/ diesel hose to me ....

 

[flying haggis]

Shame on you! This is Tesla's roadside assistance vehicle CHARGING UP AT THE RECHARGING STATION!

Exactly, just as other sensible drivers do. Five minutes "recharge" and "voila" a 400 mile range!!

 

[flying haggis]

 

[Phil Pascoe]

Shame on you! This is Tesla's roadside assistance vehicle CHARGING UP AT THE RECHARGING STATION!

There doesn't appear to be an electric Transit XLT.

 

[treeturner123]

There doesn't appear to be an electric Transit XLT.

There are a number of electric vans. I was hoping to get one for our maintenance man but waiting list 36 weeks and price excessive so no go but I'm sure Mr M could afford one or two!

Phil

Phil

 

[Doug B]