Joke Thread II
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Doug B
Shy Tot
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Blackswanwood
Still Learning
Doug B
Shy Tot
A salmon called Rusty was swimming around the Titanic ship wreck when he thought he would write some poetry about its sinking and see if he could get it published.
It's now on sale in WH Smith's and all good book stores.
It's called "Salmon Rusty's Titanic verses".
It's now on sale in WH Smith's and all good book stores.
It's called "Salmon Rusty's Titanic verses".
Doug B
Shy Tot
OLD TRAFFORD DONKEY SANCTUARY (Est. 1893.)
From as little as £750 a year, you too can sponsor a helpless donkey. Like HARRY bought from Leicester for £80m, where his cruel Thai owners were forcing him to perform as a 'footballer' for as much as 90 minutes in the blazing sun, in front of a baying crowd. Or CRISTIANO, brought here at enormous expense because no one else wanted him. No one knows exactly how old Cristiano is, but he's certainly a veteran as he can scarcely move and is useless for any work. His food, vet bills and treats cost us over £500k a week. Or perhaps little LUKE or 'Fatty' as he is known to his fans. Luke has had such traumas that he's a compulsive eater, and often eats as many as 10 large sacks of carrots a day.
Of course, you don't need to choose Harry, Cristiano or Luke. We have more than a dozen other donkeys some of them tragic cases. For example PHIL. Little Phil would have been put down anywhere else, as his vet bills are huge and he is rarely able to do any work. However, here at Old Trafford he is safe and can enjoy retirement with his friends.
We are open on alternate weekends and many Thursday nights. Why don't you come down and enjoy the sight of our donkeys running aimlessly about our large field in Trafford, near Manchester? We have several cafes and a big shop where you can buy an expansive range of donkey memorabilia. Remember, every penny goes towards the upkeep of our donkeys and enables us to bring in more hapless donkeys from around the world to our safe retirement home.
(Old Trafford Donkey Sanctuary, Registered Charity 16161616.)
Patron: Mr J. Glazer. Temporary Donkey Superintendent Mr E. ten Hag. Donkey Superintendent Emeritus, Sir Alex Ferguson.
Corporate Sponsors: FA Premier League, PGMOL, BBC, Daily Mail, Guardian, Mr Kok's Crispy Noodle Stall (Bangkok).
From as little as £750 a year, you too can sponsor a helpless donkey. Like HARRY bought from Leicester for £80m, where his cruel Thai owners were forcing him to perform as a 'footballer' for as much as 90 minutes in the blazing sun, in front of a baying crowd. Or CRISTIANO, brought here at enormous expense because no one else wanted him. No one knows exactly how old Cristiano is, but he's certainly a veteran as he can scarcely move and is useless for any work. His food, vet bills and treats cost us over £500k a week. Or perhaps little LUKE or 'Fatty' as he is known to his fans. Luke has had such traumas that he's a compulsive eater, and often eats as many as 10 large sacks of carrots a day.
Of course, you don't need to choose Harry, Cristiano or Luke. We have more than a dozen other donkeys some of them tragic cases. For example PHIL. Little Phil would have been put down anywhere else, as his vet bills are huge and he is rarely able to do any work. However, here at Old Trafford he is safe and can enjoy retirement with his friends.
We are open on alternate weekends and many Thursday nights. Why don't you come down and enjoy the sight of our donkeys running aimlessly about our large field in Trafford, near Manchester? We have several cafes and a big shop where you can buy an expansive range of donkey memorabilia. Remember, every penny goes towards the upkeep of our donkeys and enables us to bring in more hapless donkeys from around the world to our safe retirement home.
(Old Trafford Donkey Sanctuary, Registered Charity 16161616.)
Patron: Mr J. Glazer. Temporary Donkey Superintendent Mr E. ten Hag. Donkey Superintendent Emeritus, Sir Alex Ferguson.
Corporate Sponsors: FA Premier League, PGMOL, BBC, Daily Mail, Guardian, Mr Kok's Crispy Noodle Stall (Bangkok).
SamG340
Established Member
Jameshow
Established Member
Also probably means your in prison...!
Doug B
Shy Tot
Eight Words with two Meanings
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the
boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
Alan
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the
boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
Alan
Jester129
Established Member
Jester129
Established Member
Jester129
Established Member
Jester129
Established Member
stuart little
Established Member
Seen that in France - but he did have a lid on!
Looks a bit like my Dad - Great childhood and I survived
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