Joke Thread II

[Volksfish]

 

[Amateur]

 

[stuart little]

I'm storing a load of this heat in my loft ready for winter!

 

[Pedronicus]

 

[mikej460]

The Judgement of Solomon

 

[Thingybob]

I'm storing a load of this heat in my loft ready for winter!

 

[mikej460]

Why do peanuts float in a regular coke and sink in a diet coke. Go ahead and try it.....
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going? (taxes)
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change??? They're going to see you naked anyway.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
HOW DID THE MAN WHO MADE THE FIRST CLOCK, KNOW WHAT TIME IT WAS?

thanks Wonderman

 

[Jameshow]

Breaking news... Nicola sturgeon says the only thing that is going to stop record temperatures in Scotland is devolution....!

 

[IZZY]

I'm storing a load of this heat in my loft ready for winter!

Just make sure nobody steals it in the Autumn.

 

[RobinBHM]

As the weather is so hot I asked the Hermes delivery driver if he'd like a bottle of cold water.

When he said yes I dropkicked it over a fence into my neighbour's rose bush and told him I'd left it in a designated safe space.

 

[Pedronicus]

 

[Phil Pascoe]

That one was done a dozen posts ago .............

 

[mikej460]

Ta..Mac

 

[Thingybob]

That one was done a dozen posts ago .............

Its the heat Phil affects some people funny

 

[Doug B]

 

[Blackswanwood]

 

[shed9]

 

[dzj]

 

[selectortone]

View attachment 139950

I'm going to have that stupid song in my head for the rest of the day now!

 

[Tris]