Joke Thread II

[Phill05]

He grabbed me by my slender neck
I couldn't yell or scream.
He took me to his dingy room
Where we could not be seen.


He stripped me of my flimsy wrap,
And gazed upon my form.
I was wet and cold and damp,
And he was nice and warm.


His feverish lips he pressed to mine,
I gave him every drop.
He drained me of my very self,
And I couldn't make him stop.


He made me what I am today,
That's why you find me here...
A broken bottle, tossed away,
That once was full of beer.

 

[SamG340]

 

[flying haggis]

 

[flying haggis]

 

[niemeyjt]

And in similar vein:

 

[SamG340]

 

[Phill05]

The doggies held a meeting,
They came from near and far,
Some came by motor cycle,
And some by motor car
Each doggie passed the doorway,
Each doggie signed the book
Each one unshipped his a**hole
And hung it on a hook.

One dog was not invited
It sorely raised his ire
He ran into the meeting hall
And loudly shouted "Fire!"
It threw them in confusion
And without a second look
Each grabbed another's a**hole
From off another hook

And that's the reason why sir,
When walking down the street
And that's the reason why sir,
When doggies chance to meet
And that's the reason why sir,
On land, abroad or home
They'll sniff each other's backside...
To see if it's their own. ​

 

[flying haggis]

 

[SamG340]

 

[Linus]

 

[Linus]

 

[dzj]

 

[stuart little]

He grabbed me by my slender neck
I couldn't yell or scream.
He took me to his dingy room
Where we could not be seen.


He stripped me of my flimsy wrap,
And gazed upon my form.
I was wet and cold and damp,
And he was nice and warm.


His feverish lips he pressed to mine,
I gave him every drop.
He drained me of my very self,
And I couldn't make him stop.


He made me what I am today,
That's why you find me here...
A broken bottle, tossed away,
That once was full of beer.

By the cringe, that's showing your age!! It mustbe at least 70 yrs old by now.

 

[Thingybob]

By the cringe, that's showing your age!! It mustbe at least 70 yrs old by now.

And so are you if you first heard it then

 

[Daniel2]

 

[Majimoto]

The golden oldies!! Still the best!

 

[Bm101]

A brilliant gynaecologist finally decided on a career change after many years. Always had a keen interest in cars and decides to become a mechanic as he wants a complete break from his former career.
Does his apprenticeship and breezes it as he is so intelligent.
To pass though he has to sit the final exam just like the other apprentices.
He is a little puzzled When he receives his results through the post.

150%

That's odd he thinks. You can't score more than 100 % on a test and phones the college to question the score.

'Ahhhh! It's you!' replies the examiner. 'its a great honour to talk to you. I've never had the pleasure to mark an examination of such exceptional skill.'

But how did I score 150% queries the man.

'Well. You scored 50% for getting every theory question right.
And you scored another 50% for taking the engine apart and then putting it all back together again. Simply astounding. Perfect.

The extra 50% was awarded because you did it all through the exhaust pipe.

 

[Robbo3]

 

[Doug B]

 

[flying haggis]