Joke Thread II

[Cozzer]

I suddenly heard a racket outside the house, and it turned out it was the window cleaner banging on my window, shouting and swearing....




I thought to myself, he's lost his rag.......



(Stuart - I'll explain it later if you want.... )

 

[niemeyjt]

 

[SamG340]

 

[SamG340]

 

[Cozzer]

"Ambulance Service.... is the patient breathing?"
"It's Molly Malone from Dublin here...It's my husband! I've accidently shot and killed him!"
"Calm down, Molly - and please don't worry. I'm here to help you. Listen to me very carefully, and do exactly as I say, OK?"
"OK"
"OK, Molly... first of all, we have to make sure that your husband is actually dead. Can you do that for me, Molly?"
"Yes, OK...."
*Click. BANG*
"OK, I've done that..... What now?"

 

[Cozzer]

I need to re-home a dog as soon as possible.
It's a small brown and white terrier - a little aggressive sometimes - and tends to bark a lot, day and all night.

If you're interested, please let me know, and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you......

 

[Cozzer]

Must've had a senior moment last night - went to bed, and unfortunately left the freezer door open....
All defrosted this morning.





Never mind, it's all water under the fridge now.

 

[stuart little]

that can opener bridge has a more evil little brother!!!!

Yeah, one vehicle catches fire after hitting 'little bruvver'.

 

[stuart little]

I suddenly heard a racket outside the house, and it turned out it was the window cleaner banging on my window, shouting and swearing....




I thought to myself, he's lost his rag.......



(Stuart - I'll explain it later if you want.... )

Thanks mate, BUT I got it!

 

[Thingybob]

Must've had a senior moment last night - went to bed, and unfortunately left the freezer door open....
All defrosted this morning.





Never mind, it's all water under the fridge now.

Love your quickies makes wife groan over breakfast he he

 

[flying haggis]

 

[Phill05]

Love your quickies makes wife groan over breakfast he he

What's your wife doing have a quickie with Cozzer

 

[Cozzer]

What's your wife doing have a quickie with Cozzer

Oi !
She could do worse!
My ex always said I looked like George Clooney! (Or was it Rosemary? I forget now...)
The trouble was, it was from the back....

 

[Cozzer]

So you don't know where Antenna is, SamG340?
From memory, it's just south of Chlamadia and west of Anorexia...

 

[SamG340]

So you don't know where Antenna is, SamG340?
From memory, it's just south of Chlamadia and west of Anorexia...

Think I knew a girl from round there once ?

 

[Amateur]

Me and the wife are just hanging about this Easter.

 

[OCtoolguy]

My sincere apologies for posting the political stuff. Won't happen again. I just saw what had been posted regarding your PM and thought it was ok. My Bad!

 

[Thingybob]

What's your wife doing have a quickie with Cozzer

Eh all t same in Derbyshire one track minds

 

[gwaithcoed]

Got up today after a good night's sleep and said to my wife I feel like a new man . What a coincidence she said So do I.

 

[dzj]