Joke Thread II

[Cozzer]

Bumped into a gardener pal of mine this morning.
"Spring's here at last", I said, "what you up to, garden-wise?"
"I'm chitting my spuds," he replied.
To be fair, I did think he looked a bit strained....

 

[flying haggis]

 

[flying haggis]

 

[Bigegg]

View attachment 132237

does "***" in the above context mean more than one person is involved?
cos if not, I'm well above average, although my average has dropped to twice a day since I passed 40...

 

[Cozzer]

does "***" in the above context mean more than one person is involved?
cos if not, I'm well above average, although my average has dropped to twice a day since I passed 40...

I've surprised many people in the past by telling them that I've had five wives...






Two of 'em were mine.

 

[user 38384]

 

[Blackswanwood]

 

[Pedronicus]

 

[Robbo3]

Bad Jobs.

Elephant poo collecter

Packed office

Inspector

Office

Target holder

Bad teeth

 

[Phil Pascoe]

I used to empty Winston Churchill's phlegm bucket ...

 

[Pedronicus]

Thanks everyone for your concern!!!

First off, I'm OK, I was a bit shaken up at the time though.

For those of you that aren’t aware, I was robbed at Asda petrol station this morning.
After my hands stopped trembling, I managed to call the Police.

They were quick to respond and calmed me down because my blood pressure went through the roof!
My money is all gone however.

The police asked me if I knew who did it and I told them,
“Yes, it was pump number 2.”

 

[flying haggis]

 

[toysandboats]

View attachment 132316

or BUMble Bees?

 

[Pedronicus]

 

[Doug B]

 

[Doug B]

 

[Jameshow]

Not sure if we've had this one....

A freind of mine goes fishing and uses liquorice as a bait and catches all sorts!!

 

[IZZY]

Not sure if we've had this one....

A freind of mine goes fishing and uses liquorice as a bait and catches all sorts!!

My mum said that liquorice gives you a good run for your money. Quote Spike M.

 

[Doug B]

 

[Linus]