Joke Thread 5

Jaco · 2024-12-13T08:25:26+0000

The Sergeant Major noticed a new squaddie and barked at him,
"Get over here now."
"What's your name soldier?"
"John" the soldier replied.
"Look I don't know what army you think you have joined son,
but I don't call ANYONE by his first name!!"
Barked the SM, scowling, "it breeds familiarity, and that leads
to a breakdown in authority!! I refer to my soldiers by their last names only.
Smith, Jones, Baker or whatever, and you are to refer to me as "SIR",
Do I make myself clear??"
"Yes Sir"
"Now that we've got that straight, what's your last name?"
The soldier sighed heavily, "Darling. My name is John Darling, Sir."
"OK, John, here's what I want you to do .............."

PeteHB · 2024-12-13T09:12:14+0000

Yorkieguy · 2024-12-13T12:59:03+0000

Jaco · 2024-12-13T13:07:35+0000

Paddy retires and decides to move from the hurly burly of Dublin and buys a retirement cottage out west in Co. Kerry.

His first day in his new home he goes into the local pub, sits at the bar and orders three pints of Guinness. The barman looks at him a bit oddly but puts the drinks in front of him and Paddy sits there all evening slowly drinking all three pints.
The same happens the next evening and the next until the barman, filled with curiosity, asks Paddy why he doesn't just order his beers one at a time so they're fresh. "Ah!" says Paddy. "The other two beers are for my two younger brothers. One's in the Merchant Navy and always away at sea, the other works in the oil fields out in Arabia. This is my way of having a beer with them and I know they do the same when they're having a drink.The barman is touched and the story soon gets around the village about Paddy and his two loving brothers.

Then one evening Paddy comes into the pub and orders two pints of Guinness. The barman is taken aback but draws the pints and puts them in front of the old man who just sits and stares at them sadly. Eventually, the barman leans across to Paddy and tells him the beers are on the house because of his loss and asks which of the two brothers has passed away.
"Neither,"says Paddy. "I've decided to give up the drink."