Joke Thread 4 (closed).
- Thread starter Noel
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Come back and review how you feel in a couple of years time!
sploo
Somewhat extinguished member
I'll never forget that day when my mate came running out of the room, tears in his eyes, shouting "It's a boy! It's a boy!".
We never did go back to Thailand.
Phill05
Established Member
Now that's an interesting question there are two ways to sharpen a chisel the right way and Jacobs way. (it's a joke thread before anyone complains)Does anyone know how to sharpen a 3/16" bevelled chisel accurately?
Or failing that does anyone have any Jokes?
And now for the second part of the question:
Two old lads Tom & John met in the park each day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and put the world to rights..
One day John didn't show up. Tom didn't think much about it and figured maybe he'd caught a cold or something.. But after John hadn't shown up for over a week, Tom started to get a little worried. However, since the only time they ever met up together was at the park, Tom had no idea where John lived, so it was hard to find out what had happened to him.
A month or so passed and Tom figured maybe he had seen the last of John, but then one day, as Tom approached the park -- lo and behold -- there sitting feeding the birds was John, Tom was quite excited and pleased to see him again and told him so. Tom said, ‘For crying out loud mate, where have you been what in the world happened to you?
John replied, 'I have been in jail.'
'Jail!' cried Tom. What in the world for?'
'Well,' John said, 'you know Bev, that cute little waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?'
'Yeah,' said Tom, 'I remember seeing her. What about her?
'Well, one day, we were chatting as you do and I let it slip that I had recently come into some money, and what do you think she did she told me to give her a bag full of cash or she would claim I assaulted her and then she filed a repe charge against me; and me at 89 years old, eh when I got into court I pleaded 'Guilty'.
'The judge gave me 30 days for perjury’
John Brown
Freeloading Social media influenza
Once I couldn't spell schadenfreude, now I are one..
Phill05
Established Member
An older couple had a son, who was still living with them.
The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career.
So they decided to do a small test.
They put a note on the front hall table that they had gone away. Along with the note they put a £20 note, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey.
Then they hid, pretending they were not at home.
The father told his wife, “If our son takes the money, he will be a businessman, if he takes the Bible, he will be a clergy, but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I’m afraid our son will be a no-good drunkard.”
So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously.
Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive. The son read the note that they had left.
Then he took the £20 note, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket.
After that, he took the Bible, flipped through it, and put it under his arm.
Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative taste to be assured of the quality. Then he left for his room, carrying all three items.
The father slapped himself on the forehead and said: “This is worse than I could ever have imagined!”
“What - Why? asked the wife.
“Our son is going to be a politician!”
The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career.
So they decided to do a small test.
They put a note on the front hall table that they had gone away. Along with the note they put a £20 note, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey.
Then they hid, pretending they were not at home.
The father told his wife, “If our son takes the money, he will be a businessman, if he takes the Bible, he will be a clergy, but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I’m afraid our son will be a no-good drunkard.”
So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously.
Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive. The son read the note that they had left.
Then he took the £20 note, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket.
After that, he took the Bible, flipped through it, and put it under his arm.
Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative taste to be assured of the quality. Then he left for his room, carrying all three items.
The father slapped himself on the forehead and said: “This is worse than I could ever have imagined!”
“What - Why? asked the wife.
“Our son is going to be a politician!”
The_Yellow_Ardvark
Established Member
Cabinetman
Established Member
Simple, Trumps policies are extremely popular with the average American- with good reason I might add. I agree that he isn’t the sort of personality I could normally vote for but with but the carp they have had to endure from Politicians for a lot of years things have reached bursting point.I cannot understand how the Americans can EVEN contemplate having that criminal as PROTUS!
10 million illegal immigrants this year alone, think about the equivalent number arriving in the uk, it’s about 2m - this year up to now!
Jameshow
Established Member
Because they feel he represents them and they feel disenfranchised by the rest...
Terry - Somerset
Established Member
Farage won 46% of the vote. Tories 8%. The closest left of centre was Labour with 16%.
Conclusion - most Clacton residents:
- are also fascists:
- they are happy for Farage to represent them
- policies from other parties are seen as either unworkable or undesirable
- they are stupid and believe all they are told by a convincing egocentric
- the demographic in the Clacton area is completely skewed from the national
It's very likely that the residents of Clacton would be justifiably (in their view) disparaging of those who would vote for any politician even remotely left of centre!!
Apologies - I should have realised I was posting in a joke thread.
selectortone
Still waking up not dead in the morning
Sorry, I'm not getting any of these jokes 
Doug B
Shy Tot
stuart little
Established Member
You guessed correctly, despite it being unintended!!
Jaco
Established Member
Blackswanwood
Still Learning
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