Steve
Established Member
PENCIL PISKY
(nikkus scribet)
ORIGINS
The origins of the species are unknown, but recent research points to a direct relationship with the Timber Troll (woodus hidet), the earliest references to which apppear in the Norse Sagas in relationship to the Viking shipwrights in the Trondheim region of Norway. The evidence is that Nikkus Scribet can, over time, mature or metamorphose into woodus hidet. However another theory is that the Pisky behaves as an attractant to the Troll, and could possibly be a branch of the genus Wherdafuk Izzit.
HABITAT
Nikkus Scribet prefer small to medium areas such as smaller workshops where there is an abundance of hiding places and established routes from one area to another. They are extremely shy, and usually seen only fleetingly from the corner of one's eye or more often as a fast moving blur reflected in a highly polished surface or mirror. They nest in small, undisturbed piles of saw dust, and seem to have a particular preference for softwoods, especially Pine. They appear to be extremely tolerant of changes in temperature and humidity.
FEEDING HABITS
There is a strong consensus that they thrive on the body heat of **** Sapiens, which increases during periods of frustration. This is supplemented occasionally by the small pieces of skin, drops of sweat and blood deposited on the floor, benches and tools found in their favoured habitat. They require a fairly regular mineral intake and can only survive in environments in which small, easily digestible levels of lead are present. It would appear that they can live for long periods without fresh sustenance and that they are supremely adaptable. They are certainly carniverous.
INFESTATION
The evidence to date is conclusive and cause for concern, as so far, 100% of the owners of their favoured habitats report repeated and consistent signs of infestation. Worryingly, those with infestations of the Pencil Pisky also report strong indications of Woodus Hidet and other
sub-geni of Wherdafuk Izzit, especially the notorious species that retain their Norse names to this day: 'Droptlost' and 'Bangthummen'.
REMOVAL
To date, no totally effective method has been established. It has been found that large, clean and well organised workshops used by people with a methodical and careful disposition have far lower levels of infestation, but the usual organised chaos of the British woodworking shed is providing an ideal habitat for the spread of the entire genus which seems to be happening at an alarming rate.
In a bid to extend the research base, we are inviting the members of the UK's most respected woodworking forum to report any incidences of infestation online at their earliest opportunity. We also hope that by such publication, woodworkers may benefit from a sense of shared experience. We are particularly interested to hear from anyone who imagines they are totally free of infestation, in order that they can be subjected to public ridicule and have their integrity destroyed on screen.
Your participation is therefore requested.
Pencil Pisky Research Committee
(nikkus scribet)
ORIGINS
The origins of the species are unknown, but recent research points to a direct relationship with the Timber Troll (woodus hidet), the earliest references to which apppear in the Norse Sagas in relationship to the Viking shipwrights in the Trondheim region of Norway. The evidence is that Nikkus Scribet can, over time, mature or metamorphose into woodus hidet. However another theory is that the Pisky behaves as an attractant to the Troll, and could possibly be a branch of the genus Wherdafuk Izzit.
HABITAT
Nikkus Scribet prefer small to medium areas such as smaller workshops where there is an abundance of hiding places and established routes from one area to another. They are extremely shy, and usually seen only fleetingly from the corner of one's eye or more often as a fast moving blur reflected in a highly polished surface or mirror. They nest in small, undisturbed piles of saw dust, and seem to have a particular preference for softwoods, especially Pine. They appear to be extremely tolerant of changes in temperature and humidity.
FEEDING HABITS
There is a strong consensus that they thrive on the body heat of **** Sapiens, which increases during periods of frustration. This is supplemented occasionally by the small pieces of skin, drops of sweat and blood deposited on the floor, benches and tools found in their favoured habitat. They require a fairly regular mineral intake and can only survive in environments in which small, easily digestible levels of lead are present. It would appear that they can live for long periods without fresh sustenance and that they are supremely adaptable. They are certainly carniverous.
INFESTATION
The evidence to date is conclusive and cause for concern, as so far, 100% of the owners of their favoured habitats report repeated and consistent signs of infestation. Worryingly, those with infestations of the Pencil Pisky also report strong indications of Woodus Hidet and other
sub-geni of Wherdafuk Izzit, especially the notorious species that retain their Norse names to this day: 'Droptlost' and 'Bangthummen'.
REMOVAL
To date, no totally effective method has been established. It has been found that large, clean and well organised workshops used by people with a methodical and careful disposition have far lower levels of infestation, but the usual organised chaos of the British woodworking shed is providing an ideal habitat for the spread of the entire genus which seems to be happening at an alarming rate.
In a bid to extend the research base, we are inviting the members of the UK's most respected woodworking forum to report any incidences of infestation online at their earliest opportunity. We also hope that by such publication, woodworkers may benefit from a sense of shared experience. We are particularly interested to hear from anyone who imagines they are totally free of infestation, in order that they can be subjected to public ridicule and have their integrity destroyed on screen.
Your participation is therefore requested.
Pencil Pisky Research Committee
