Elderly parent(s)

[RogerS]

Are they all the same?

Seems that my mother (80+) can only behave in one of the following ways (and usually all at the same time)

1) Fallen out with at least one relative

2) Fallen out with at least one friend

3) Worrying unnecessarily about the garden

4) Worrying unnecessarily about the house

Current favourites are (1) her sister and (4) the builder next door cleared away 40 years of dead leaves from between the houses and now she can 'see' the bricks and thinks they should be rendered. Can't get her head around the concept of 'bridging the damp proof course' and that what the builder did will reduce the possibility of damp. The Pope could swear blind it was OK and she'd still not believe him. I just know that she will be touching the wall on the inside of the house everyday now until she dies and will be convinced that there is damp.

My policy now is to simply not to discuss it as it's pointless. I actually in exasperation asked her what part of the phrase 'Stop worrying' did she have difficulty in comprehending.

Apart from matricide, what strategies do others adopt?

 

[Shultzy]

About the same as you Roger . My mom's the same, even though she lives in a council house she rings me up to "pop over" (a 40 mile round trip) and fix things. Its so bad that I've been retired for two years and I haven't told her, otherwise she would be on the phone every 5 mins

 

[RogerS]

....... Its so bad that I've been retired for two years and I haven't told her, .......

:lol:

That's got me thinking...tell her that we're moving to France. She'll never make the trip over and so we can do the 'annual' visit :twisted: All we need is a French address for birthday cards to be sent to.....mmmm...maybe a nice little sideline for Dedee ...sort of Poste Restante.

 

[Steve Maskery]

Nice one Shultzy.

Mine's the same. She's pretty much housebound now, bent double with osteoporosis and has Parkinson's to boot. She's on her own and most of her friends have died.

But do you know what? I'm afraid it doesn't give me any pleasure to say this, but I really don't care very much. It's taken me a long time to realize that I don't actually like my own mum very much. She complains that we never visit, but I always think the same thing - "You should have thought about that 40 years ago when you were beating the living daylights out me". A slap was routine maintenance. I've not yet said that to her, but the day is coming.

I don't have any kids, so I expect to die a sad lonely bitter and twisted old man. Too old to die young already!

It's a good job I've got some great friends.

S

 

[Rich]

You think you've got worries, my wife is half that age and she's like it NOW, for sunday lunch, she'll say, "would you like boiled or roast" potatoes, if I reply roast, she say's what's wrong with my boiled potatoes then?the answer? I cook sunday lunch!
regards,
Rich.

 

[Steve Maskery]

Actually Sunday Lunch is the one meal which is SMBO's domain - It's not my culinary style, I'd have to read Delia. I do almost all the cooking in our house (I have a saying: I cook, SMBO defrosts) but on the very rare occasion that we have a trad Sunday Lunch (usually the outlaws visiting) then she does it, and does it well. (Not in the mood for saying that, we've had a row today! :? )

I made some tasty Spanish meatballs last night though. Lamb, cumin, ginger, SD toms, cinnamon, onion, garlic and beaten egg, cooked in a fennel tomato sauce, fantastic.

S

 

[Rich]

Have you ever tried grilled eggs? they are lovely, simply heat the grill pan without the griddle in it and then crack an egg in it and pop it under for a couple of mins, smashing, another good one when doing mashed spuds is to crack a couple of eggs into the pot and mash them with the spuds, the heat from the spuds cook the eggs whilst you are mashing them, the mash comes out yellowy and tastes great.
Ramsey? never heard of him, and I don't swear,well, not so you'd notice anyway. :roll:
regards,
Rich.

 

[kafkaian]

I'd like to agree with Steve Maskery, but I feel that somehow I'd be committing the cardinal sin by being disloyal.

You see? The guilt trip wins every time mother! I concede! You win!

I too never had kids. Lived in fear that I'd do as bad a job........

My poor Dad........ I wish I'd been there more for him these last 10 years. But that was difficult for other reasons and now he's gone. But that's more disloyalty of course.

<sigh> Never thought there'd be a thread like this. I'm not alone.

 

[Steve Maskery]

<sigh> Never thought there'd be a thread like this. I'm not alone.

At least the cookery is livening things up a bit . I'd forgotten about the egg in mash trick, not done that for years, I must give it another go. I like a bit of celeriac in mine, now and again.

S

 

[Rich]

I would give anything in the world to be able to give a view on elderly Parents but sadly mine were just too good for this world, Dad making his exit at just 33 and Mum departing at just 60, Even after 11 years I truly beleive My Mum was the best friend I could ever have
Mrs Rich
pp. Rich.

 

[Steve Maskery]

Sorry, Mrs Rich, it's easy to forget that some people don't have the opportunity to have elderly parents. I'm sure none of us meant to be that thoughtless.

My dad died 12 years ago this week and I still miss him.

S

 

[RogerS]

.......
But do you know what? I'm afraid it doesn't give me any pleasure to say this, but I really don't care very much........
S

You know what, Steve. I think the same about mine. Well...when she says that 'the only reason to have children is so that they can look after me in my old age'.......says it all, really.

Trouble is I've inherited quite a bit of her 'negativism' and I have to consciously make an effort not to sound like her!

As Philip Larkin eloquently put it in one of his poems...

"They f*ck you up, your Mum and Dad,
You may not know it but they do
They give you all the faults they had
And some especially just for you"

 

[Steve Maskery]

Hey, we need more recipes!
S

 

[Anonymous]

My mum was a Diamond. Sadly I didn't realise just how much so until it was too late. I really miss her.

 

[Digit]

God chose your relatives, thank God you can chose your friends.
Apart from when the family gathered to bury my mother they haven't spoken to me since I was 12 yrs old, my crime? I chose not to follow their religion.

Roy.

 

[Scott]

I chose not to follow their religion.

I'm guessing "Christians" of some sort??

 

[Digit]

Orthodox Judaism, very strict and with a social structure that those not exposed to it might find surprising.

Roy.

 

[Rich]

Personally I believe in only one religion and that is, you be nice to me and I'll be even nicer to you.
Rich.

 

[Digit]

Love thy God with all thy heart and all thy soul and love thy neighbour as thy self, these two are sufficient.
Momo is excused! :lol:

Roy.

 

[BradNaylor]

Orthodox Judaism, very strict and with a social structure that those not exposed to it might find surprising.

Roy.

I'm just finishing off a job for a family of orthodox Jews. Very nice people, but their determination to remove themselves from mainstream society and live exactly according to the ways their forebears brought with them from Poland 150 years ago takes some getting your head around.

I'm not suprised you walked, Roy!

Cheers
Dan