Birthday Present

[mudman]

Thought I'd share something with you all, as I'm sure to find some sympathy.

Speaking to my wife last night she says to me, "What was that router you wanted, I'll buy it for you for your birthday" (January 22nd, hint, hint).
"I'd rather have one of those planes I told you about."
"I'm not buying you a plane." She replies.
"Why not?"
"You've got plenty of planes." :shock:
"No I haven't."
"Yes you have, you've got loads, I'm not buying you another plane."
"Bu, bu, these are different, the bevel up jointer with the fence is great with some innovative features."
"Jointer? I thought it was supposed to be a plane."
"It is, the jointer is what the #7 is also known as. Then the #6 is also known as a fore or try plane, the #5 is a Jack, the #4...."
"Stop, I'm not interested. I'm only interested in diamonds."

What can I do?
Have I too many planes?
Do I need to balance my plane purchases with equivalent diamonds?
Are there any support groups?

 

[Chris Knight]

Question is Barry, does she like DMT, Trend, stones, paste etc. Also what micron sizes does she prefer?

 

[Alf]

Question is Barry, does she like DMT, Trend, stones, paste etc. Also what micron sizes does she prefer?

Beat me by a minute... :lol:

 

[Taffy Turner]

That should make for a very Merry Christmas -

"Look dear, I have bought you a diamond for Christmas - unfortunately it has been smashed into millions of tiny pieces and stuck to this metal plate to stop the bits getting lost"

You wouldn't even make it to Boxing Day!

Regards

Taffy

 

[mudman]

Question is Barry, does she like DMT, Trend, stones, paste etc. Also what micron sizes does she prefer?

Blimey, never thought of that one! :shock:

Where's the Axminster site?

Tappity tappity.

Add to cart, (giggles).

Proceed to checkout (tee, hee)

Now waiting to proudly present my wife with her Christmas present of diamonds. All nicely bonded to a pretty steel lattice.

Will make sure I tell her about Aldel's tip about the windscreen washer liquid.

 

[mudman]

That should make for a very Merry Christmas -

"Look dear, I have bought you a diamond for Christmas - unfortunately it has been smashed into millions of tiny pieces and stuck to this metal plate to stop the bits getting lost"

You wouldn't even make it to Boxing Day!

Regards

Taffy

Taffy,

You beat me to it. :lol:

 

[Alf]

But seriously, you evidently need help. Let's see where you went wrong...

Speaking to my wife

Ahh, straight away we can all see the flaw there... :-#

last night she says to me, "What was that router you wanted, I'll buy it for you for your birthday" (January 22nd, hint, hint).
"I'd rather have one of those planes I told you about."
"I'm not buying you a plane." She replies.

At this point a picture of a router plane might be helpful. "Look, a router's a plane too, dear." 8)

"Why not?"
"You've got plenty of planes." :shock:

Tut. Who's been neglecting their SWMBO education classes then? :roll:

"No I haven't."
"Yes you have, you've got loads, I'm not buying you another plane."

Remember that thread some people decided was rabid gloating? Show her what a lot of planes really looks like. Be warned though, it may back-fire and leave you banned from woodworking all together... A high risk strategy. 8-[]

"Bu, bu, these are different, the bevel up jointer with the fence is great with some innovative features."
"Jointer? I thought it was supposed to be a plane."

At this point you should have said "My mistake - it's a jointer. Can I have it then?" Missed opportunity there, Barry. [-X]

"It is, the jointer is what the #7 is also known as. Then the #6 is also known as a fore or try plane, the #5 is a Jack, the #4...."

Nooooooooo. Don't ever back SWMBO into a glazed expression like that unless you're trying to smuggle in a tool you've already bought. You need to keep her interest if she's doing the buying. #-o

"Stop, I'm not interested. I'm only interested in diamonds."

An obvious opportunity to bore her to death with sharpening explanations - she'd turn to planes with relief after that. :lol:

What can I do?

Living alone is under-rated... :-k

Have I too many planes?

Go away and wash your mouth out and don't come back until you stop that filthy talk! [-( ]

Do I need to balance my plane purchases with equivalent diamonds?

But that'll halve your plane purchases, which isn't good.

Are there any support groups?

We're here for you, Barry. It's less "support" and more like "greasing" and "digging a deeper pit" but at least we're here. :wink:

Cheers, Alf

 

[Taffy Turner]

Barry,

You are a braver man than me!

Be sure to let us know what ward they put you in so we can bring you some grapes etc....

Regards

Taffy

 

[GEPPETTO]

Hi mudman,
.. and if you say her that router is an noisy machine which could wake up all the family when (over the night) you are making what her asked you to achieve?
I don't have that problem because my wife don't ask me what I want for my misery workshop. :roll:

... I forgot : It's just in these days I done my personal Christmas present - I'm waiting two back saw, one Record #44 and Stanley 78 by Ebay. Silent please :-$ I'll say I wrote a letter to Santa Claus :roll:

 

[LyNx]

i've already had it in the ear today about ordering my second plane so far this year, never mind it's my own money etc :roll:

Good luck with it mate


Andy

 

[radicalwood]

Hi Mudman,

diamonds to planes is that weight for weigth :lol:

Cheer Neil

 

[mudman]

Alf,

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
I do like your reasoning and the style.
I'm afraid the picture of the router plane wouldn't help. I've already proudly shown her the two #71s and the #71 1/2. Reminding her of this may just reinforce her point. "You've already got three of them things. What do you need another for?"

I can see that I need to do a bit more of generally loud musings along the lines of "Now if I only had that extremely specialised plane, that would be ideal for making that <insert greatly desired item here>".

Now the showing of the picture of what a lot really looks like is a great idea. I shall have to do some research. Mr Cohen's should be a good start.

Unfortunately, the word jointer probably wasn't conjuring up a picture of a large floor standing cast iron beastie. More likely some apparatus that would accept king size Rizlas. :roll:

Looks like I'll have to make a start on #1 son's cabin bed this Christmas break. 'cos you know, you really need a long plane to get those long lengths straight and true. :wink:

Taffy,

Just go to reception in Neville Hall, I'm sure they'll be able to find me.
"Who are you looking for sir?"
"Not sure of the name, Barry somebody"
"Ah, we have a Barry brought in today, he's up on the surgical ward"
"How is he"
"Waiting for the proctologist to examine him but I'm told they should be able to extract it with the minimum of scarring"

Gepetto,
Nice choice. Don't worry I'll keep your secret.

Andy,
They never seem to understand do they? :roll:

Neil,
More like directly proportional to value. I have a feeling that there is an equation here.
Something like:
d = c * p

Where d = cost of diamonds owed
p = cost of plane bought
c = how much do you love me constant. Research to determine this value is on-going but generally thought to be at least 10.)

 

[wizer]

blimey mudman you got it made... This is how my conversation about planes went....


"What do you want for xmas?"
"Ooh a plane would be nice!"
"I'm not buying you an aeroplane!"
"no, but, you don't... Jumper it is then"

](*,) :evil:

 

[Scott]

i've already had it in the ear today about ordering my second plane so far this year, never mind it's my own money etc :roll:

Good luck with it mate


Andy

You see! That's the thing! That's the reason we all resort to buying them ourselves and sneaking them in eventually! Only two planes in a year is the very model of restraint!!

I've done the plane for xmas hints as well and been told "I'm not buying you a plane". They're (nearly) all the same! :roll: It's not fair!

 

[LyNx]

Only two planes in a year is the very model of restraint!!

It is but then it only started in November!!!

I think 2006 may become a difficult year especially after i said i want to buy some plants for the garden this year and spent over 2 grade!!

Andy

 

[Taffy Turner]

Taffy,

Just go to reception in Neville Hall, I'm sure they'll be able to find me.
"Who are you looking for sir?"
"Not sure of the name, Barry somebody"
"Ah, we have a Barry brought in today, he's up on the surgical ward"
"How is he"
"Waiting for the proctologist to examine him but I'm told they should be able to extract it with the minimum of scarring"

:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

=; =; =; =; =; =; =; =; =; =; =; =; =; =; =; =; =;

ROTFL

 

[Alf]

Only two planes in a year is the very model of restraint!!

It is but then it only started in November!!!

One a month? Sounds reasonable - while you're getting up speed... :wink:

I've already proudly shown her

All right, class, who can point out where Barry's gone wrong? Sheesh, Barry, don't show them. Hide them. Conceal them. Spread them about and avoid letting them clump. Whatever you do, never put three examples of the same model of plane anywhere within visual range of a vigilant SWMBO. ](*,) Even some woodworkers* have been known to have trouble coming up with a need for more than one router plane, never mind untrained civilians. #-o

Cheers, Alf

* Don't look at me. I reckon I could justify at least 12, given the chance... :lol:

 

[frank]

whats wrong with a nice big powerful noisy router at least she can hear you using it :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

wizer is that the jumper with the aeroplane on the front oooooooooo nice :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :wink:

frank

 

[dennyk]

It was my daughters 48th birthday yesterday, after giving her her present , she asked what I wanted for Christmas, I said "about 20 board foot of cherry" her answer was " tesco won't deliver on Chrismas Day".

I couldn't think of an answer to that.

What would you say?

 

[mudman]

I've already proudly shown her

All right, class, who can point out where Barry's gone wrong? Sheesh, Barry, don't show them. Hide them. Conceal them. Spread them about and avoid letting them clump. Whatever you do, never put three examples of the same model of plane anywhere within visual range of a vigilant SWMBO. ](*,) Even some woodworkers* have been known to have trouble coming up with a need for more than one router plane, never mind untrained civilians. #-o

Ah, now I begin to see the reason for the rabid gloating that goes on on woodworking forums. Where else can you go to proudly show off your new aquisition when you have to sneak it into the workshop undercover of a plain brown package.