Another Joke

[Droogs]

Apparently the CDC at the behest of Dr Faucci released a new report this morning which had the following conclusion

Through detailed research and analysis we have concluded that although Covid-19's most publicized forms of transmission methods have been the danger of breathing in dropplets from the exhalation of people by the nose and mouth. The greatest threat is that posed by arsseholes

 

[Garno]

 

[Doug B]

Thought for today

 

[TRITON]

I hear a funny from the US civil war.
Cant mind the exact time/date/place but it was towards the end, with Lee and Sheridan and some big battle about to happen.
As Sheridan was approaching there was a black youth running towards them, and about to pass when they asked him why he was running. The reply is recorded as "I'm running because I cannot fly"

Well said.

 

[flying haggis]

 

[Bm101]

Since we're just cut and pasting jokes now.... not even a joke but it made me laugh.
(God I miss the pub and a proper joke told in good company).

Schrodinger's Chips.

 

[Droogs]

Just released press statement from Makita.
"In light of the recent rebranding success at hitachi koki, Makita are pleased to announce a new factory to be located in Abergeveny for the production of an all new power tool range made especially for European markets. This new tool range will be known as the YAKIDA brand"

 

[Cordy]

The government in Egypt has instructed the Cities taxi drivers to drive around Cairo sounding their car horns.

It is hoped that a return to familiar city sounds will help restore peace and tranquillity following the Covid pandemic.

Operation "toot n calm em" will last for one week

 

[Doug B]

 

[Doug B]

Just heard the inventor of the throat lozenge has sadly passed away.
Apparently there will be no coffin at his funeral.

 

[Dave Brookes]

Apparently Vladimir Putin is possibly asthmatic

Will he now be known as Vlad the inhaler?

 

[Phil Pascoe]

View attachment 96817

£37 a month? Try S.W. Water.

 

[Doug B]

 

[Doug B]

 

[Benchwayze]

I like the idea of trusting to Human Nature; problem is Human Nature is in the hands of too many people.

 

[flying haggis]

Apparently

 

[Robbo3]

 

[Doug B]

 

[Phill05]

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees after hours about an urgent problem with one of the main computers.
He dialled the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"
"Yes", whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him please?" the boss asked.
To his surprise the small voice whispered, "Noo."

So the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" "Yes", came the answer.

"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "Noo."

"Is there any one else in the house with you?" the boss asked the child.
"Yes" whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer.

Growing more concerned and worried as he heard a strange sound coming through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked,
"What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.

"What’s going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In a small whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper." Alarmed, concerned, and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle:
"Meee"

 

[Benchwayze]

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees after hours about an urgent problem with one of the main computers.
He dialled the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"
"Yes", whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him please?" the boss asked.
To his surprise the small voice whispered, "Noo."

So the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" "Yes", came the answer.

"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "Noo."

"Is there any one else in the house with you?" the boss asked the child.
"Yes" whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer.

Growing more concerned and worried as he heard a strange sound coming through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked,
"What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.

"What’s going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In a small whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper." Alarmed, concerned, and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle:
"Meee"

This one I really like. If I told you the true story you wouldn't believe me. Suffice to say this is a joke, but missing kids hide in all sorts of strange places. Believe me this has happened! Sadly they don't always have an upbeat ending.

John