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Just out of interest, have they given examples of the nature of the alerts you might get? Down here, we get earthquake alerts (usually only seconds before they hit) but I can't see that being an issue in the UK.

Love this one...

A bloke with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a fancy dress party. He contacts a costume hire company and asks if they can send him something appropriate. Two days later, a parcel turns up with a letter attached saying they've enclosed a pirate's outfit comprising a stuffed parrot and...

A Welsh farmer is leaning on his gate one morning. With him is his border collie and in the field next to him is his horse and one of his sheep. A stranger comes walking past and greets the farmer then asks if the dog is his and would he mind if he talked to it. The farmer laughed, 'The dog...

The elders of a Native American Indian tribe go to their new Chief and ask if he can predict what the coming winter will be like so the tribe can be sure to collect enough firewood to see them through. The new Chief was University educated and never brought up in the old ways, so he tells them...

Spot on. Our 23 year old grandson lives with us and that is Ed Zachary what our kitchen looks like all the time.:LOL:

A woman goes to a *** therapist because she can't find a man who will make love to her. The therapist, Dr Chang, says, 'Prease take off crothes and craw acloss loom.' The woman does, then the therapist says, 'Now craw all way back to me prease.' She does this and the therapist says, 'I see...

A married couple go on a cruise. The husband is a quiet, unassuming sort and his wife is a domineering harridan who rules him with a rod of iron. On the first night, after dinner, they take a drink in the bar then the wife announces she's off to their cabin. The husband asks if it's all right...

Did you hear about the newly weds who didn't know the difference between Vaseline and putty? All their windows fell out.

A bloke falls overboard from a cruise ship and finds himself swept up on a desert island. He's there alone for two years until one day, while sitting on the beach, a very shapely woman wearing a wet suit emerges from the waves (think Ursula Andress in Dr No) and makes her way towards him. She...

I believe the N34 Mk1 was a smoke grenade which could also be projected from a rifle. Pete

A long-haul trucker driving across the Nullabor in Oz pulls in at a remote pub for a pit stop. He's having a cold one and deciding what to eat, when the barman tells him, discretely, that there are some working girls operating upstairs if he's interested. The trucker says he'll give the barman...

I guess if it didn't 'stick' then it's probably not worth remembering. ;)

Something to do with Otis Redding (Dock of a Bay) perhaps?

Not a joke but a true story that happened to me a few years ago and still makes me laugh. I got a call from a pal who said he'd just got a new dog and would I like to come over and take a look. I said I knew nothing about dogs but, at the mention of cold beer being on offer, I said I'd be right...

A priest, a vicar and a rabbit go to a Blood Donor Clinic. The nurse asks the rabbit what blood group he is. 'I'm not sure,' says the rabbit. 'I think I must be a Type O .'

I just had to hit the 'Like' button for that one. :D

Well, it's a little highbrow but a step in the right direction, :D

Au revoir to the Joke Thread again! :LOL::LOL:

I woke the other day with a terrible chest pain. My wife wanted me to go to the doc's but I was convinced it was only heartburn. Now, I'm not a mean man but, there was no way I was going to pay $50 for a doctor to tell me all I had was indigestion so you can imagine my feelings when I got to...