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A chicken farmer goes into a pub and sits at a stool next to an attractive woman. As the bartender comes forward they both ask for champagne, then turn and laugh. 'What a coincidence,' the woman smiles. 'Yes,' says the farmer. 'I'm celebrating.' 'What a coincidence,' says the woman. 'I'm...

While out shopping today, I was accosted by a beautiful 25 year old woman who offered an afternoon of delight in exchange for promoting a commercial cleaning product on any social media format or forum I might be a member of. Needless to say, I am a happily married man who would reject such an...

What do you call an Aussie who scores well on an IQ Test? A cheat. What's really bad about being bitten by a redback spider? It means you're probably Australian. What's the difference between Cinderella and the Wallabies? At least Cinderella got to the ball. :D

I seem to have touched a nerve. Perhaps I should add a disclaimer as they do in the movies. Something along the lines of... No Irishmen were injured in the telling of this joke. And if you believe anything an Australian tells you then you really must be Irish. 😁

Paddy walks into a shop and asks the assistant in what aisle he'd find Irish sausage. The assistant looks at him and says, 'You're Irish, aren't you?' Paddy becomes annoyed and says, 'If I'd come in and asks for bratwurst, would you have assumed I was German? Or if I'd asked for poloney, would...

A bloke is stopped on the street by a homeless chap asking for money. He fishes a 20 quid note out of his wallet and asks the homeless guy if he'll spend it on booze. 'I gave up booze years ago,' says the homeless chap. 'Then will you take it to the nearest golf course and spend it on green...

Two Irishmen are sitting in the pub and gazing out of the window at the brothel across the road. They see a Methodist preacher enter the house opposite and Paddy says, 'Would you look at that! The pious, hypocritical beggar!' A few moments later, they spot the local Rabbi push his way in. 'There...

A circus couple are keen to adopt a child and are interviewed by a Social Worker from the adoption agency who expresses some doubt about the kind of living environment the child might have. The couple show her photos of their beautifully appointed 50 foot motorhome, complete with nursery and...

A bloke's laying in bed reading when his wife walks into the bedroom wearing only her bra and panties. She looks at him seductively and asks, 'Have you ever seen a crumpled $20 note?' He shakes is head and she reaches into her bra and produces the note which she throws on the bed. Then she asks...

A nun is waiting at Heathrow for a flight to Aberdeen when she spots an 'I Tell Your Fortune' machine and decides to amuse herself. She drops a coin in the slot and the machine spits out a card which reads "You are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs and you are waiting for a flight to Aberdeen." She...

Agree wholeheartedly. The only power we plebs have is to 'vote with our feet'. If enough people stopped buying their cr*p instead of simply moaning about how terrible it is while continuing to read it, they'd soon change or go out of business.

I used to be proud to be a Blood Donor until they started asking all sorts of questions such as, 'Whose is it?' and 'Why is it in a bucket?'

Let's eat Grandma. Let's eat, Grandma. There you go. Proof that correct punctuation can save lives.

I tried to warn my friend about the dangers of playing Russian roulette but it was no good, it just went in one ear and out the other.

A bloke goes in to a chemist and asks for some deodorant. 'Ball or aerosol?' says the chemist. 'Neither, it's for my armpits.'

Two blokes are playing golf and find themselves stuck behind a pair of slow moving women golfers. 'I'll go and ask them if we can play through,' says one of the blokes. He starts towards the women but turns back quickly and returns to his mate. 'I can't do it,' he says. 'One of them is my wife...

Reminds me of the old gag about the guy who had been blessed with three. He was very proud and would often say to blokes sitting next to him at the bar that he bet that between them they had five of the little rascals until one day a guy said, 'Why? Do you only have one?'

I started seeing a girl called Claire Lee and when my fiancé, Lorraine, found out she gave me back the ring. But that's OK. I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone...