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From the Rotherham Advertiser: Buttock Tattoo Terror Lands Rotherham Pair In Hospital A furious row has broken out between a local tattoo artist and his client after what started out as a routine inking session, left both of them requiring emergency hospital treatment. Vintage film fan and...

Two Red Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Red Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave. 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo! He then tore off his...

Bloke in a fishmonger's queue. He eventually reaches the front.... "Some salmon fillets, please" "Sorry matey - didn't have any delivered today...sorry" The bloke, disappointed, wanders away from the counter, but strangely joins the back of the queue again, before finding himself at the front to...

John Travolta tested negative for coronavirus last night. Turns out it was just Saturday night fever. The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out. I saw an ad for...

A drunken Irishman who smelled of beer sat down in an underground train, next to a priest.The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes...

Man to boy leading a bull up a country lane: "Where you going with that bull, sonny?" Boy: "To service farmer Smiths cow!" Man: "Can't your dad do that?" Boy: "No, it has to be a bull." ----------------------------------------------------- Food for thought: 1. Save the whales. Collect...

Sean is the vicar of a Protestant parish in Dublin and Patrick is the priest at the Roman Catholic Church across the road. One day they are seen together, erecting a sign which says: "THE END IS NEAR. TURN YOURSELF AROUND NOW BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE." As a car speeds past them, the driver leans...

Just dont use it on MDF. Pulling off lifts the fibres and gives a rough surface. :(

Dr. Oliver Gogarty had a way of testing his patients about his diagnoses. When he was once consulted by a man who thought he was going deaf, the good doctor told him, "This is a case of excessive nervousness showing it psychosomatic form of deafness. Now I happen to know that gambling, alcohol...