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RM are looking to stop saturday deliveries, reducing service by 1/6 to save money. Presumably shorts are trousers reduced in material used by 1/6 also to save money. You can opt for the top 1/6 to be missing instead, leaving your trousers halfway down your bum providing that instant "gangsta"...

Escher's test piece when he applied for a job as a stylist with Lamborghini.

That is not a reasonable explanation of events. Put yourself in the place of the copper holding the gun...... It is your duty to prevent loss of life and limb to everyone, including the suspect where possible. This means bottling out because you are scared or because you don't want to make a...

Re the Tony Martin case- The 16yr old was running away at the time. Yes he was a scumbag and yes Mr Martin had already suffered a great deal. BUT... See my comments above on use of force. The force in this case was not for self defence as the offender was running away. Neither was it to prevent...

Not quite accurate. Under English/Welsh law the following applies: 1. "If you have an honestly held belief that you or another are in imminent danger, you may use such force as is reasonable in the circumstances to avert that danger". - Common Law right of self defence 2. "A person may use...

It is part of a process called "target hardening". Thieves come in different varieties which vary in their skill sets. They also vary in the amount of effort they are prepared to put in to achieve their goal. Target-hardening is about introducing measures which will deter or thwart more and...

A man walked into a pub. He went up to the bar where a big fellow was supping a beer. "Excuse me, are you the owner of that Great Dane tied up outside?" "Yes, why?" "Well, I'm very sorry but my Chihuahua has just killed it", said the man. The big fellow laughed. "Really? You're kidding". "No...

https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/rejoinder

A thread for those great witty replies and put-downs throughout history. Please include even if they are more alleged than actual, as long as they are witty/funny/clever. A couple to get it started: George Bernard Shaw sent Winston Churchill two tickets for the first night of his new play...

Jean Harlow and Margot Fonteyn were crossing the Atlantic on a luxurious ocean liner. They spent a sunny afternoon in each other's company sitting in deck chairs, during which time Jean kept calling Margot "my dear Margott". After a while Margot became fed up of this, and when Jean said it once...

668 The neighbour of the beast.

How do you tell the difference between a weasel and a stoat? Well, a weasel is weasily recognised and a stoat is stotally different.

Named squadron mugs were a thing in my time. Names varied from the witty: LOOSE ARTICLES, INTENTIONALLY BLANK, via edge cases such as AR$3 LOOTICLES, to things unprintable on public forums that you will just have to imagine.

Wife: Why do you walk into the garden every time I start to sing? Husband: I want to show the neighbours I'm not hitting you.

I heard once of a rockstar who said that the next time he felt like getting married, instead he would just find a woman he didn't like and buy her a house. Much cheaper!

It's the start of the lunch recess at Moscow central court building. Sergei, one of the judges, leaves by the door at the back of the court room into the service corridor. He looks down the corridor and sees his colleague Vladimir, known among the judges as "Vlad the Impaler" due to his...

Nobody took me up on it. If somebody did hand me a tenner, I would say "I lose", give them a fiver and walk off.

I bet you £5 that if you give me £10, I will give you £20 in return. Any takers? If so, why? If not, why not? (Legal disclaimer: for those with sense of humour blindness, this is not an invitation to enter a binding contract: the clue is that it is in the joke thread).

A man walks into a pet shop. Man. I'd like to buy a blue budgie please. Shopkeeper. Sorry sir, we only have green ones. M. That's ok. I'll take a green one and paint it blue. S. ( shocked ). You can't do that! You'll kill it. M. It will be fine, honest. The man buys a green budgie...

Chuck Norris CAN divide by zero.