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If you lock the wife and your dog in the car boot, then come back an hour later and let them out. Which one will be pleased to see you?

I tried reviving our relationship by buying a waterbed........... but we just drifted apart.

At least you got it..lol

The wife's just informed me she's booked a slot at our local tip for ten thirty this morning. I think she'd be better off disposing of her self at the crematorium but she wouldn't have it.

I stopped wearing these and my bell bottom trousers after I fell off them last week and ended up in A&E.

I never go into a public loo without checking there is bog roll in that metal dispenser.

I never go out without my, "Tenna Man" in place.

You've forgotten painting and embroidery.......

Thank you all some useful tips. I'll save the post for when I'm ready to sell up.

If you dont like my jokes or don't find them funny please ignore them. If you dont understand use the icon. This is a joke thread laugh or move on. Im fed up of reading undertable unnecessary chat that are trying to be smart comments to win points in a none competition.

Thanks. That's a good help already.

At some point In the near future I'm going to have to sell up and clear out my tools and machinery. Old age and mounting medical problems continue. I know you can advertise on the for sales section here which will be my first port of call, but I've no idea how you make arrangements to pick up or...

Maybe its because your undercharging? Notice he doesnt put ..***.and 99p.