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Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. He decided that a few disciples would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did. Three days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return. Jesus, waiting...

@MikeJhn Empathy, Empathy......

Nicola CRANKY Sturgeon passes driving test first time aged 53 Scotland's former first minister says she can now help her husband DODGY PETE drive the luxury motor home around JOCKland

A Russian agent arrives at a small Welsh station and asks for Mr Jones. “Well,” says the stationmaster, “there’s Jones the Milk, Jones the Meat, Jones the Flowers, Jones the Undertaker. In fact, my name’s Jones.” The agent whispers to him, “The eagle doesn’t walk over the mountain.” “Ah,”...

When I ordered coffee in Starbucks I gave a false historic name. Minutes later the Barista shouted "Coffee for Spartacus" 12 people stood up....

Breaking news: Police chasing a dangerous criminal through Heathrow Airport lost him at the Helsinki check-in desk....the Police claim he disappeared into Finnair!

@bilspe Do the course, as I mentioned above there is no test and the dudes running the course were pleasant enough. Points on your licence will increase your insurance considerably. If you 'offend' again within 3 years you won't have the option of doing the course. Good luck !!

@dizjasta Your spreadsheet could be out of date The speed trap was in Lancashire and I was clocked at 36 mph edit The chap sitting next to me got done going 42 in a 40 mph zone

Thanks for the heads up Ian. I'll be careful on Motorways. We have the dreaded Smart Motorways here in the North/West too.

Had to go on a 'speed awareness course' - I got caught in a speed trap doing 36 in a 30 mph area. Cost £90, but will not get points on licence or need to declare to insurance unless asked. The course is mostly sitting and listening, no test -- was asked to make notes for my own benefit. About...

If Chris Rea lives in Wales -- He'd start driving home any day soon

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping centre and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air. She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward...

Mega haul from ring culture !! Two seed potatoes -- 17.8 pounds We cut the bottom out of 30 litre Plastic container Lifted today, cooked Potato/Onion/flour combo; delicious !!

A US Air Force C-141 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot’s pre-flight check, he discovers that the latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight. So a message is sent to the base, and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of...

Did you know that If you took every vein and artery out of a human body and put them all in a line, you’d end up in Broadmoor

Which Icelandic singer was named after a City in Yorkshire ? A; Leeds B; York C;Bradford

Rubiales has finally apologized for kissing Spanish footballer Jenni Hermosso on the lips,. He added "I wished I'd kicked her in the b*lls instead."

A mate of mine who loves star gazing with his World class telescopic lens, tells me that a new corner shop has just opened up on the south pole of the moon....

I now identity as a donkey My pronouns are he/haw

"It's important we remember the true meaning of Easter" says The Archbishop of Cadbury.